Page 38 of The Truth about the Marquess
“But you will not speak of it, then? Is it because you have no wish to?”
“It is because I do not know what I feel!” Jane threw up her hands, letting out an exasperated breath which, in turn, brought Lady Guilford to a complete stop, her eyes a little wider now. “The feelings which swept through me when I heard that he had been about to ask to court Lady Henrietta were so strong, I have still not quite settled even now! An hour after hearing those words on his lips, I cannot find a single moment of calmness.”
Lady Guilford smiled gently, her eyes holding fast to Jane’s.
“But do you not feel glad, at least, that he didnotdo such a thing? That he didnotsuggest courtship?”
Jane nodded but closed her eyes, aware of the heat there.
“It is foolishness, Louisa. I have already determined that I will not seek out another husband, I have already told myself that I am quite contented just as I am.” Her eyes opened but a single tear fell to her cheek, though Jane quickly dashed it away. “You have told me that Lord Edenbridge is the exact opposite of my late husband in terms of his character, and I believe you, I do, but there is a part of me that is still very afraid.”
“And so, you think it best to set aside your feelings and encourage Lord Edenbridge in the direction of another?” It was a question that Jane could not answer. Part of her wanted to say yes, to agree that it would be better for him to marry someone else, while the other part of her heart cried out in dismay, begging her to tell him all in the hope that she might find a new happiness with him. “Jane.” Lady Guilford put a hand to Jane’s arm as fresh tears began to push themselves forward. “You must be honest with him, as I have told you already. Tell him everything.”
“I have.” Jane squeezed her eyes closed, then shook her head. “I do not mean that. That is to say, I have said a little about Lord Harsham to him.”
“And was he understanding?”
Nodding, Jane’s heart squeezed all over again.
“Yes, he was.Morethan understanding, if I am to be honest. He told me that he felt honored by my willingness to be so honest with him about something so personal and, in that regard, I felt my heart fill all the more with joy and happiness about his friendship.”
“Tell him everything,” Lady Guilford said, with a firm yet gentle tone. “You know that I care about you, my dear friend,and I can see that this chance for happiness is one that you will forever regret the loss of, if you do not pursue it. Trust your heart, in a way that you have not done before.”
Jane sniffed.
“I have never had a chance to trust my heart before, I suppose,” she said quietly, the idea beginning to soften in her mind, no longer as brash a thought as before. “But then, if I do so, I will have to tell him about The London Chronicle also.”
“And that will make him think all the more highly of you!” Lady Guilford beamed at Jane, though doubt still swarmed in her mind. “He will not turn from you because of that!”
“There is a chance that he might.”
Lady Guilford shook her head.
“No. He has spoken of just how much he values the advice he has been given, has he not? I cannot imagine that he would think ill of you for keeping that from him. Rather, he will be all the more grateful for your willingness to assist him, both anonymously and also as a friend.”
Another clutch of fear tugged at Jane’s heart, rather than bringing her any sort of comfort.
“He might think that I have deceived him!”
Lady Guilford grasped Jane’s hand, hard, startling her out of the fear which threatened to overwhelm her.
“Do not let the whispers of dread and doubt succeed in their attempts to steal this potential happiness from you.” Jane blinked rapidly, her tears still very present. “I know Lord Edenbridge a little, but I have seen how close you have become to him and how much he admires you!” her friend continued, no sense of irritation present but a steadiness all the same; a steadiness which demanded Jane’s full attention. “I can see how he smiles when you come to join him, how light leaps into his eyes at the sight of you. Did you not see how he spoke of Lady Henrietta?”
A little confused, Jane frowned.
“I heard his explanation of why he had not done what he had first thought to do, that is all.”
“But he did not seem upset by it, did he?” Lady Guilford’s eyes searched Jane’s face, as though she was silently praying that she would understand. “Lord Edenbridge was relieved that he had said nothing! He did not seem upset that he had missed his opportunity, nor sorrowful that he had decided against it. There was no sense of frustration or the like, and nor did he seem in the least bit concerned about Lord Dunstable and Lady Henrietta walking together.”
“Lord Dunstable?”
“Yes, Lord Dunstable!” A glint came into Lady Guilford’s eyes. “If that gentleman truly cared for Lady Henrietta, even a little, then I know for certain that he would not have been standing conversing with us while the lady he was courting then was on the arm of another! If he had any genuine interest in her, he would have hurried to join them, to stop the intimate conversation as quickly as he could.” It was not something that Jane had considered before. She frowned, then looked away, a flare of hope striking her square in the chest. “You will only be able to understand all that you feel if you accept that there is a possibility of happiness with Lord Edenbridge,” Lady Guilford said, a good deal more gently now. “And thereafter, you must tell him of it all – of your hesitation, your fears, your doubts, and your desires. Then you will be able not only to ascertain his reaction and response to what you say, but also what his own heart feels. You can trust him with this, Jane. I am sure of it.”
Jane closed her eyes, swaying just a little as she took a long breath, attempting to steady herself.
“I – I will think about it, Louisa.”
“That is good. I will not press you any more than I have already done… only to say that you might wish to tell him at themasquerade ball, for there is something a good deal easier about speaking of such things when one is wearing a mask!”
