Page 80 of Royal Deception
“It happened before,” she says, her voice shaking. “When we hooked up a few times after Darcy and Kellan’s wedding. And then you pushed me away. Like it was nothing. Like I was just some mistake and being with me didn’t mean anything to you.”
The words hit like a slap. I flinch, the weight of what she’s saying sinking in. She’s right. I pushed her away. Hard. I made it clear that whatever we had didn’t matter. But hearing her say it like that? It makes my chest ache in a way I can’t explain.
Her voice drops, quieter now. “By the time I realized I was pregnant, we weren’t even talking. And when things started to change between us, I wasn’t sure I even wanted you involved.”
The admission feels like a punch in the gut. And for a second, I’m angry—angry at myself, at the situation, at how I fucked this up. But I try to hold it together, trying to understand.
I shake my head, still struggling with the weight of it all. “Is this about my lifestyle?” I ask, the words slipping out before I can stop them. “The job? Everything I’m involved in? Is that why you didn’t want me to know?”
Her face tightens, and for a moment, I see a flash of pure anger in her eyes.
“Are you fucking serious?” she snaps, her voice rising. “I’ve been in this life for three years, Rory.Three years. And if I were going to shy away from it, I would have done it a long time ago.”She’s practically seething now, and I’m taken aback by the fire in her words.
I blink, not expecting that. But it’s true. She’s been here, right alongside me, dealing with everything I’ve thrown her way.
But now it’s different. Now there’s a child involved.
Clary’s breath catches, and she looks away, like the words she’s about to say are heavy enough to break something inside her.
“The reason I didn’t say anything sooner,” she begins, her voice barely above a whisper, “Was because it didn’t seem like you wanted a girlfriend or a family. You’ve never given me any reason to think otherwise.”
Her eyes find mine, and there’s so much pain there, and I know I’m the one who caused it. My stomach twists, and I feel like I’m drowning in all the mistakes I’ve made.
I open my mouth, ready to deny it, but the words don’t come. She’s right. I’ve never given her anything to hold onto, not in the way she deserved. Not when it came to what we could’ve been together.
And then, the confession comes. The one I’ve never said out loud before.
“For most of my life, I never wanted a family,” I admit, the words slipping out before I can stop them. “I saw how my father treated my mother, how that relationship destroyed her, broke her down until she wasn’t even herself anymore. I watched him withhold affection, control her every move, make her feel small. And I couldn’t…” I swallow hard, my throat tight. “I couldn’t let myself go down that road.”
I rub my face, the frustration rising again. “When it became clear that I was the best son for the job, that I’d be the one to take over the family business, I pushed any thought of a family aside. I couldn’t risk it. So I drowned out the need for connection, for any kind of intimacy that wasn’t just physical, with things thatdidn’t make me feel vulnerable—BDSM, mostly. It worked for a while.”
I take a shaky breath, the weight of everything I’ve been holding back crashing down on me. “But now, with this, with you and the baby, it’s like everything I’ve built for myself is suddenly… shifting.”
I look at her then, searching her eyes, trying to make sense of it all. I don’t know where I stand right now.
Clary hesitates, her eyes searching mine as if trying to read me. “Are you still angry with me?”
I take a moment, looking at her closely, weighing my words. Anger… yeah, I’m angry. But it’s not just at her. It’s at myself, too, for being blind, for not seeing the signs.
“No,” I say finally, my voice low. “I’m not angry. I… I get why you didn’t tell me. I didn’t give you a reason to trust me, not with something this big. Hell, I didn’t even give myself a reason to believe I could handle being a father.”
I swallow hard, my throat tight with everything I’ve kept locked inside. “I don’t know if I’d be a good dad. I don’t have any example of what that looks like, apart from Kellan, but even he wasn’t involved in the first three years of Rose’s life. But for you…”
I pause, my chest aching with the weight of what I’m about to say. “I want to try. I want to be there for you and our baby. You’re important to me, Clary, more than I’ve ever made you feel. Even if you don’t want me, I think I want to be involved.”
Clary nods, though her guard is still up. The silence stretches between us, and I search about for a topic, something to take our mind off the intense emotions we’ve been dealing with.
A thought occurs to me as I realize that I don’t know anything about what’s been going on with her pregnancy. I lean in slightly, my gaze fixed on her. “How far along are you?”
“Six months.” She gives me a faint smile, and I can see the irony in her eyes. “It took you that long to notice?”
I cough, a little embarrassed. I should’ve seen the signs, should’ve been more perceptive. “God, I know. I’m an idiot. I can get so caught up with the big picture that I miss the forest for the trees.”
She giggles lightly. “It’s okay. I wasn’t exactly making it easy for you to notice, either.”
Her words hit me hard, and I can feel the weight of that truth. But I push forward, needing to know more. “Do you know the gender?”
She shakes her head, and I notice the amusement in her expression. “No, I don’t care about that kind of thing. I just want them to be healthy.”
