Page 62 of Headstrong Like Us
“I thought you knew everything,” I joke.
His smile flickers in and out. “Don’t worry, I still know more than you, wolf scout.”
I inhale deeper. “I’m not worried.”
“Yeah?” He nods.
“Yeah.”
His eyes dance over me. “Maybe I’m not ready, maybe I am.” He breathes in. “But he needs someone to be there for him. All-in for him. And I can do that. That’s the way I see it.”
All-in for him.
When I was born, my parents weren’t ready to be parents. I was an accident that surprised them at a shitty time in their lives, and they needed a lot of fucking support. Most came from family, and they provided this unconditional, pure love.
Giving that to someone else feels right.
But I can’t deny the way my stomach twists like it’s ripping itself apart.
“Maximoff,” Farrow breathes. “This is fast, even for me. If you’re not behind this, if this is going to ruinus, then you need to tell me.”
“Nothing is going to ruin us,” I say immediately. No hesitation. I don’t believe for a second this could.
Farrow puts his fist to his mouth in thought. “You’re twenty-three.”
“My mom was twenty-three when she had me.” That’s a weird fact that I send into the air. My face scrunches. “But like you said, he needs someone to be there for him. I get that.”
Farrow nods. “If I’m going to be taking care of a baby. Shit is going to change.”
My head whirls. Words get lost on my tongue. We sit in a heavy silence for what feels like forever but can only be a minute or two.
“Say something, please,” Farrow whispers.
I can’t fight this pressure on my chest anymore. “It’s fast,” I say softly, my throat closing. “Probably too fast for me.”
Farrow opens his mouth, and I cut him off quickly, “But I need you to choose this.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t if you’re not ready.”
Emotion tries to surge up, but I’m pretty good at pushing it down. Only my eyes burn, fighting back something stronger. He slides his chair closer, our knees knocking together.
“Have you ever readNicomachean Ethics?” I ask in a whisper.
He gives me a look likeyou know I haven’t.
I don’t break from his eyes. “Aristotle says there are three types of friendships. Friends for usefulness. Friends for pleasure. And then there’struefriendship. Friends that do things in pursuit of good for each other. Not for any other reason.” I take a deeper breath. “You don’t even hesitate for Donnelly. It’s just something you need to dofor him, and I get that. Because if it were Janie, I’d need to do it too. And you wouldn’t stop me.”
“You can stop me,” Farrow says through his own bloodshot eyes.
I can’t.
I can’t.
“I can’t,” I say and release the pain on my chest. “I don’t want to.”
I reach for his hand. His thumb glides over the wedding band on my finger.His ring.Still on me. Waiting for him. “I don’t love life-altering change,” I remind him. “It freaks me the hell out, but there’s not a single person I would rather do this with than you.”
“Good.” He nods. “Because I couldn’t do this without you.”
