Page 103 of Whatever It Takes
“Lowered.” I wave her on.
“Okay, so you know how second-year students usually roomoff-campus?” Willow sits up a bit more to meet my gaze. “I didn’t think anyone would ever ask me to be their roommate. But Sheetal, Tess, and Salvatoreasked.” She smiles, almost blushing. “They’re getting this four-bedroom flat in the city and needed to find a fourth. Pretty cool, right?”
Happiness radiates off her. She has real friends in London, and that’s big for Willow. I want to be the kind of person that’s happy for her happiness.
But I hear the nameSalvatoreand my blood turns to tar. She’s going to be living with him next year. The guy with the awesome accent andVampire-Diaries-adjacent name and stylish haircut. The one who could’ve raided my brothers’ closet.
He’s going to be living with my girlfriend while I’m thousands of miles away.
Great.
Awesome.
So fucking happy about it.
I want to mention my feelings, but they’re insignificant. Because Salvatore isjusther friend, and she’s going to say that to me. And I’m not about to ruin this good,happything in her life because I’m the paranoid motherfucker.
So I layer on a smile. “That sounds awesome. A lot of fun.”
I must do a shit job because she’s shaking her head like she can hear the sarcasm that I seriously can’t control.
“I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry.” She sets her plate on her lap and winces, her head hanging. “I wasn’t thinking. It’s anything but cool. You’re living alone, and I didn’t mean to rub it in that I’m…”
Shit.
“Hey.” I lift her chin, so she’ll look at me. “I’m not upset that you have friends and I don’t. I’m happy you feel included in London and not ostracized or whatever.”
“You have friends,” she argues with tears in her eyes.
I’m saying all the wrong things.
“You’re right. I have you,” I say quickly. She is my only friend.
My words don’t help. She’s shaking her head.
I cup her cheek in my hand. “You can’t worry about me. You have to just live your life in London, Willow.” Am I pushing her away? I don’t know. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. My insides twist, and speaking is starting to hurt.
Her tears spill over my fingers, but I don’t stop holding her. She says, “You know what I learned in the four months we’ve been apart?”
A lump lodges in my throat.
“I’m unable to not worry about you,” she says in a tight breath.
Something sits on my chest. Heavy. I want it off.Off.“I love you,” I say. “But you have to, Willow. Because you’re not going to be happy if you’re just constantly worried that I’m not having a good time here in Philly.” I want to say that I’ll make friends, but I’m not planning on reaching out to random people and accidentally grabbing a fame-leeching parasite.
I want to say that I don’t need any friends, but I don’t want to lie. I hate being alone.
Hell, I also hate having friends.
Like I said, I’m cursed.
She sniffs. “Lo told me something like that.”
Of course he did.“What’d he say?”
“That I have to let you get used to the long-distance. That I can’t do anything to make you feel better.”
Loren Hale.Jesus.I wonder if he even knows how much he gets me. Like he’s taken a road trip in my head and come out the other side. I don’t understand it.
