Page 184 of Burn Bright
Why does she look so fucking sad?
“I thought drumming made you happy, Fisher.”
Her blue eyes ping up to mine. She opens her mouth, but nothing escapes. I shut the door gently behind me. Her yellowishblonde hair has lost its volume. It lies flat in its usual edgy cut around her delicate face. Strands brush against her striped red and white tee that molds her breasts.
A groan tries to work its way out of me when I see her nipples are hard.
Her knee-high socks and tiny gym shorts have also been driving me up the wall all night. I’ve always been attracted to her—that’s never been in doubt. Why is she upset? It’s the question I want answered. Everything else can shut up.
I come closer.
“I haven’t played anything yet,” she manages to say. I watch her rotate on the spinning stool…away from me.
It’s a knife in the gut. “Did I do something?” I ask her, my heart thrashing. “Harriet?”
She whirls back around; her scowl is a complete, painedgrimace.“You haven’t been screwing with me, right?”
“What?” I don’t follow. My pulse keeps skipping. I’m losing oxygen with each passing second she’s not explaining what I did wrong.
“This hasn’t been one elaborategotcha?” Her tone grows stiffer, more defensive. All the walls I’d taken down are being built back up. “Befriend your brother’s enemy. Make her fall in love with you. Then make her pay for the bratty email to his bassist, for causing friction in his own band. Should I be expecting to get egged at the end of this, Cobalt boy?”
I can’t breathe. “Are you serious?”
Her chin trembles. She looks as demolished as I feel. “Don’t break my heart.”
“You’re breaking mine.” I swallow hard. “It’s in your hand. I gave it to you at the start. Remember?” Tears begin to fill her eyes, and I add more forcefully, “You know me. I’veneverlied to you. Am I the kind of person who’d manipulate someone over the course of months just to make them feel pain?”
“No,” she says immediately, instantly, and I release a breath. “That’s why I’ve been sitting in here going out of my mind. I’ve lost it, dude. Like, I can’t think straight because all my deepest insecurities keep piling, and I’m choking on them.”
I barrel toward her on instinct as her face crushes in hurt, but she’s not ready to be touched. She recoils a little, and I stop beside the tallest cymbal. “Why do you think I would’ve tricked you?”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
What is going on? “That girlfriend would be you…if I wasn’t leaving.” I suck down raw, blistering pain.I want to stay.“I only want to be with you, and I mean that. I’ve meanteverythingI’ve ever said.” Why…why does she think I have a girlfriend? “If you heard something—it’s a lie. Theyliedto you, Harriet.”
“I saw it.”
My lips part. “There is no way.”
“You were likethis closeto that girl.” She puts her palm up against her face to demonstrate. “In that study room with the fireplace.”
“Oh my God,” I gape. “Harriet.”
“What?” She goes still, seeing my widened eyes.
“That wasVada.”
Her scowl is a confused wince. “The girl squad girl?”
“Yeah, and she’s related to the Hales and Meadows. She might not bemyfamily by blood, but she is still practically family. I’veneverliked her like you’re implying. Never will.” She’s taking bigger breaths, so I keep going. “I was upset when I saw she was at a college party, and we were arguing about it. Apparently, she came here to spy on me, as requested by my little sister. To see if I have atragic demeanor.” I rest my hands on my waist like I’m embodying Peter fucking Pan. Eliot would be proud. “What do you think? Tragic or not?” I begin to slowly smile.
She’s chewing the corner of her lip, emotion still flooding her eyes. She’s almost smiling off mine.Almost.We’re nearly there. To the good place I want to be with her.
I chase after her runaway gaze. “Fisher. Talk to me. Because you haven’t taught me CPR yet, I can’t save your life without your help.”
“I’m a jealous freak, Friend,” she chokes out, her nose flaring as she tries not to cry. “Like why would you even want to be with someone who went from zero to a number that doesn’t exist?”
“Unknown numbers are cool. I love weird people. I love you.” It just comes out. The truth. Her breath hitches, but I add, “And I’m not all there, Friend.I’ve felt like I’m losing it…all the time. The only thing I’ve known is that when I’m with you, the confliction, confusion, whatever I’m thinking just doesn’t matter. I can breathe. I can admire. I can love.” I cradle her gaze. “So if this is your attempt to run me off early, you’ve failed because…” I lean forward and cup her cheek over the drum kit. “I’m still here.”
