Page 188 of Burn Bright
I rummage through the tote bag on my shoulder. “I have flashcards, B12 supplements, and chocolate-covered espresso beans. The vegan kind.” He called me twenty minutes ago to ask for help studying for his Marine Biology exam, and I rushed over here with far too much glee for someone about to have a full night conversing about plankton.
But Ben hasneverasked me to help him study, and he’s passed on my offer to help him too many times to count. He’s always said, “I don’t really care what grade I get.” For someone who’s planning to drop out of school, I understand that he wouldn’t put too much emphasis on passing his classes.
So this newfound interest in studying has blossomed some hope. Maybe his brothers got to him. Maybe he’s reconsidering his plans to jet off to Nebraska or South Dakota or the farmlands of Iowa. I still don’t knowwherehe’s going, so my brain keeps placing him in a bunch of random states.
“I also have highlighters in four different colors,” I continue. “I figured you probably bought your textbooks instead of rented them which makes it easier because we can just highlight directly on the pages.”
He hasn’t said anything, and when I glance up, he’s smiling down at me like he’s absorbing my frantic, study energy with amusement.
“We’ll use the B12 and the espresso beans,” he finally says. “But I don’t think we’ll need the flashcards or the highlighters tonight.”
I’m about to ask why, but then he leads me farther into the apartment, and my feet stumble to a halt.Candles. So many candles flicker on the bookshelves and the windowsills, the lighting far too romantic and moody for just studying.
My eyes go wide. “Friend?”
Ben casually leans against the back of the couch, his hands stuffed in his pockets. His smile reaches his eyes, and all of it—him, the million-dollar apartment, the candles—isbeyondsexy.
“Fisher,” he says my name in a deep husk. “We have the apartment to ourselves.”
My fingers lose grip, and I drop the tote to the ground. Shock churning to a wave of excitement. “How?” We’ve tried for over a month to have alone time here with literally no success. I’ve been thinking that we might have to settle for Harold or a motel, but this is so epically better.
“It’s Wednesday Night Dinner,” he explains. “All my brothers are down in Philly…except Beckett. He has rehearsals forThe Nutcracker, but he said that he’d spend the night at a friend’s and give us the place.” He winces. “I only told Beck. It was kind of necessary. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
Beckett Cobalt knows that Ben and I are sleeping together.Willbe sleeping together. A heat wave courses through me. But I’d much rather Beckett know than not be able to have sex withBen. If I’m being super honest, I wouldn’t care if all his brothers found out. It means he’s not trying to sweep me under the proverbial rug, and just Ben sharing this with Beckett makes me feel valued in a way.
“I don’t mind,” I confirm. “I’m just processing. I thought we agreed the Wednesday Night Dinner strategy wouldn’t work.” We know this is theonenight most of his brothers vacate the apartment, but if Ben called in sick or made an excuse about needing to miss dinner, it’d just trigger their concern and make them rush back here to check on him.
“That was before I had Beckett to reinforce my alibi.”
“Which is?”
“I’m studying for a Marine Biology exam.” He waves a hand toward me. “My study partner just showed up though, so I might get distracted. But who can really blame me?” His eyes drink me in, and a flush ascends my neck.
I can’t hide my smile. “So this is official? It’s real?”
“Fisher, I did not just light fifty candles for fun.”
I take a step forward and stop. “Um…can I use the bathroom real quick?” I motion toward the one down Eliot and Tom’s hallway.
“Yeah.” He nods, and I try not to run.
When I shut the door, I go into full-on freak-out mode. I sniff my pits.Fine. But they surely don’t smell like pineandmint. I pull at the waistband of my plaid pants and check which underwear I have on today. OhmyGod. I’m wearing my ugly undies. The ones I wear the day before wash. They were once white. Now they’re a shade of orangish pink.
I remember there’s a hole in the crotch from over-washing them.
I should have thrown them out five hundred years ago!
Leaning into the sink, I tap my forehead lightly on the marble.Idiot.What do I do? Remove them? I didn’t bring mytote bag in here, so where would I even throw them? I could wrap them up in a wad of toilet paper and bury them in the little trash bin by the sink.
But what happens when Ben realizes I’m going commando underneath my pants. Isn’t that weirder than wearing old underwear?
My pulse races as I bring my palm up to my mouth and exhale. I can’t tell if my breath stinks. Maybe I should use some toothpaste. I’m sweating. I try to waft my shirt. That’s probably causing me to smell.
Why do I even care?
I haven’t thought too hard about “preparing” for sex with Ben before. I certainly never gave a shit with past hookups. But this is so far from meaningless sex. And now that I’m smack dab in the moment of it, all I want to do is make sure it’s right. Perfect.
There’s a soft tap on the door. “Harriet?” Ben asks. “You okay in there? Do you need anything?”
