Page 230 of Burn Bright
I tell him, “I’m upset. I’mangry.I wish I could take it back with everything in my body, but I can’t. All I want to do is move on.”
“Okay,” he nods, examining me with deeper concerns. “Where’s Harriet?”
“Asleep. I told her not to worry—that I’ll see her later.”
“When you get home?”
I tighten my eyes closed as my head hammers. “No, um.” I rub at my eyes and shake my head harder. “She has an essay she planned to write, and I can’t be the reason her GPA drops. I’ll probably go back to the apartment and pass out anyway.” That’s what I told Harriet too. She said she doesn’t care about her grades as much as she cares about me, but I care. I can’t be the dynamite imploding her goals. “After that, I’ll see her. So it’ll probably be later tonight.”
It's two a.m.—technically already Saturday.
“Can you do something for me?” he asks, drawing my gaze back to his.
“What exactly?” I ask so I don’t make a promise I can’t keep.
“Go see Ryke. As soon as you can. Or have him meet you.”
I nod a lot, even if there is pain in my neck, in my whole body. “Yeah, I can do that.” He sees I’m telling the truth, and he relaxes. I relax too.
I call Jane. I ask if she’ll meet me in Philly at her billiards bar. “I know it’ll be late, or early.” By the time I get there, I think it’ll be four a.m.? Five? “But I have some cats?—”
“I’ll be there, Pippy.”
I plan to go alone.
But Charlie and Beckett hop in the car. My bodyguard is driving, and I don’t waste time arguing with my older brothers. When we arrive at The Independent, I’m about to step out of the SUV.
I turn and ask, “The cat…the seventh one I couldn’t find. He was dead, wasn’t he?”
Beckett is barely breathing. He looks to Charlie. But it’s enough of an answer if Beckett is afraid to tell me the truth.
I nod, about to leave with the beer box.
Charlie reaches across Beckett and snatches the back of my shirt, forcing my ass on the seat.
“Fuck.Charlie.” I glare since I jostle the kittens.
“You aren’t going to cry?” he asks me. “A cat isdead. It died. It is gone. It’s not coming back.”
“Charlie,” Beckett says quietly. “Stop.”
“Stop what?” Charlie motions to me. “It’s not affecting him.” He looks unsettled by me.
“I thought you hated when I cried,” I shoot back.
“I find it overly emotional. Which you are.”
“Is that not what I’ve been all fucking night?” I retort. “Maybe I’m just done?”
Charlie is grimacing. Tugging his hair. “Fuck,” he curses under his breath. He whispers something to Beckett I can’t hear.
I should’ve gotten the kittens out of there on day one. I chose the wrong path. Made the wrong decision. I won’t make another one. It’s what I hang on to. “It’ll be okay,” I tell them.
Beckett steeples his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Ben. We should really talk about tonight. What happened with Audrey?—”
“Yeah, it was awful,” I cut in. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Charlie is making weird fucking faces at me. He’s staring at me like he’s smashing his head into a brick wall. All this time, I thought he saw me as translucent. Too easy to read.
