Page 44 of Burn Bright
All of Xander’s muscles tense when he notices a bold blonde powerwalking to make her claim on the vacant seat to his right.
I could cut her off.
I have a major brain-freeze on the words:help Xander. My body reacts as I spring to my feet, snatch my backpack, and climb the stairs.
Being casual enough, I make it to the seat quickly and sink into the chair beside Xander. I feel the blonde screech to a halt, then choose a random place several rows away.
Xander releases a breath. His entire body slackens. “Thanks,” he whispers with such depth that I should feel great about my choice.
I nod back, my stomach not unwinding from a vicious pretzel shape.
As I face forward, I realize what I just did.
I abandoned Ben.
My heart drops out of my body and rolls away from me. Fuck, fuck,fuck.See, this is why friendships are too complicated. This is why I might not be built to maintain them.
What’s worse is knowing I left Ben for his cousin that apparently hates him. Ughhh. I want to bring my legs to my chest and hide in my kneecaps.
“Are you all right?” Xander murmurs.
I shrug and swallow the ball in my throat.
Xander searches his backpack. “I’d give you some water, but…I don’t think I have any in here.”
“I’ll survive,” I whisper, finally able to speak. “Will you?”
“Age old question.” He presses the back of his head to the wall while looking down at me. “This is the only course I don’t have with my best friend.”
“Who’s that?”
“Easton Mulligan.”
“Never heard of him.”
“Not famous. We grew up in the same neighborhood.” Xander unwraps the headphones from around his neck. “Knowing someone beforehand just makes situations like this infinitely easier.”
I had the same thought earlier today.
I don’t point out the obvious though. How he should knowBenthe best. “What about the bodyguard backup?”
Donnelly acknowledges me with arock onhand gesture.
I give him a stiff wave as a friendlyhello.
“I wouldn’t have gone to college without Donnelly,” Xander admits, then lets out a weak laugh. “Which, I know, probably seems stupid.”
I meet his eyes. “Why would that be stupid?”
“Maybe because I can’t exist without backup.”
“Dude, did you hear the audible intake ofoxygenwhen you appeared? I’m shocked you didn’t get mauled. No one should knock you for wanting to be safe.”
He must hear the ball still partially stuck in my throat. Or maybe I look sickly. “You sure you’re all right, Harriet?”
I find a Jolly Rancher in my backpack, hoping it’ll make my stomach feel better. “This class isn’t really my jam,” I admit in a whisper, trying to get over the Ben thing.Let it go, Harriet.It’s not like I can rewind time or return to him. I just need to believe I did the right thing, but I can’t stop staring at the back of Ben’s head several rows below me.
Is he upset? Devastated? Am I overstating my importance in his life? What if he doesn’t even give a shit? What if he’s hardly batting an eye? And why does that hurt more?
