Page 126 of Save You
“I just don’t know what to do now,” I mumble into Ember’sshoulder.“On the one hand, it’s so awful that this has happened to him.I wish I could be there for him.But on the other hand, I don’t want to see him ever again.Not after what he did to me.I want to go over there and scream at him, but I can’t because I know how shit things are for him.”
Ember pulls away from me and takes a deep breath.She brushes my hair off my cheek and behind my ear.Then she gently strokes her warm hands over my head.“I’m so sorry, Ruby.”
I gulp hard and pluck up all my courage to say, “I hate him for it.”
Ember’s green eyes are full of empathy and affection.“So do I.”
“But I keep asking myself if that’s even allowed.”
She frowns and shakes her head.“You have every right to feel that way, Ruby.You’re acting like there are set rules for a situation like this, but there aren’t.You just feel the way you feel.”
“Hmm,” I grumble uncertainly.
“And if there are days when you want to give James a slap, that’s totally legitimate—whatever things are like for him at the moment,” Ember continues, her voice insistent.“You can’t make your feelings dependent on his, just because he’s going through a shitty situation.He acted like an arsehole, and if you ask me, you’re entitled to tell him that.What am I saying?You’re entitled to shout it from the rooftops.”
It takes me a moment to process Ember’s words.“I just get the feeling,” I begin slowly, after a pause, “that nothing’s going to change, whatever emotions I allow myself.It’s either going to hurt because of his mum or because he cheated on me.So that’s why I’m trying…”
“…not to feel anything at all,” Ember finishes my sentence quietly.
I nod.
“That doesn’t sound very healthy, Ruby.”
I stare at my hands as silence expands between us.
After a long time, Ember sighs.“I just can’t believe he actually did that.I mean, I know what people say about him, but…” She shakes her head.
“I seriously thought it was a nightmare.He was…like a whole different person.”
“It sounds so horrible.”
“The other thing I don’t understand is why he didn’t just come to me.He could have told me about everything.We could have…” I give a helpless shrug.I have no idea what I would have done if James had come to me.But at any rate, none of this would have happened.I’m sure of that.
“I expect he probably wasn’t in the mood to talk that evening,” Ember suggests hesitantly.“It sounds to me like he was trying to destroy even more of his life, without thinking about the consequences.”
I take a jagged breath.
“Anyway, I get why you feel this way.It’s totally OK.And I hate him too for what he did to you.”
Ember flings her arms around me again and this time I hug her back, just as tight.“Thanks, Ember,” I whisper.
After a long moment, she shoves me back and gives me a warm smile.“Shall we get started?”She points to the spice rack.
I nod, glad not to have to speak any more about my feelings.We put on the face masks and search for suitable music.Emberpicks the Michael Bublé Christmas album and together we start on varnishing.
“Oh, and I’ve hit six hundred,” she says after a while.
I cheer and pretend to bow down to her.“You’re a queen.”
“I’m considering applying to some of the London fashion houses in the summer holidays.”Ember won’t look at me as she says that, just focuses her entire attention on the top corner of the spice rack, even though that’s been finished for ages now.The mask is covering most of her face, but I’m pretty sure she’s blushing.
“Do you want any help with the applications?”
Ember pauses and now she plucks up the courage to glance in my direction.“So, do you think it’s a good idea?”
I nod encouragingly.“You’ve known for years that you want to go into fashion.So I’d say the sooner you get started, the better.”
She keeps on working in silence.
