Page 133 of Save You
I try to summon up the mask of inapproachability that was always my second face at school and official meetings with my family.But this is Lydia in front of me.I’ve never had to hide anything from her and so I just can’t do it.Frustrated, I throw the towel down to one side.
“What do you want me to say, Lydia?”I ask feebly.
“That we’ll get through this together.You and me.Like always.”She swallows and touches me gently on the arm.“But if you can’t be honest with me, and keep hiding away like this, then that won’t work.”
I snort in disgust.“You’re acting like you always tell me everything, likeyou’rethe open one out of the two of us.I’ve always had to squeeze everything out of you.I only found out about your affair with Sutton because you got caught.”I push her hand away and stare coldly into her eyes.“Just because Mum died, it doesn’t mean that it has to be us two against the world from now on.Don’t make us into something we never were, Lydia.”
She flinches and stumbles back.Without deigning to look at her again, I turn and shove my earbuds back in.If my sister says anything else, I don’t hear it.The loud guitar riff drowns out the ugly reality of my world.
9
Ruby
The memory of James is so strong that, even after weeks of no contact, everything still feels like it happened only yesterday.I’m sleeping badly.I delete his photos from my laptop, only to download them again a day later, and run my fingers over his smiling mouth like a psychopath.At the same time, I feel like a liar because I told Lydia that I don’t want him back, when my body is clearly not of the same opinion.
I miss James.
It’s absurd.
Absurd and insane.
And I could slap myself for it.He broke my heart, for God’s sake.I really shouldn’t miss a person who does a thing like that.
Christmas comes and goes and, for the first time in my life, I can’t enjoy it.The films we watch seem dull and all the songs we listen to sound the same.I know that Mum and Dad have been cooking flat-out, but the food tastes bland.And to top it all off, my relatives keep asking me why I’m so down and whether it hasanything to do with the boy who gave me that lovely bag for my birthday.After a while, I can’t take any more of it and crawl off to my bedroom alone.
Once we get to the end of the year, I decide that I can’t go on like this a minute longer.I’m sick of feeling like this.I’ve always been a positive person who looks forward to new beginnings.I refuse to let James take that mindset away from me.
So I jump up and have a shower, dress in one of my favorite outfits—a tight tartan skirt and a flowy cream blouse—grab my new bullet journal, and go downstairs, firmly resolved to announce my New Year’s resolutions to Ember and our parents.
But as I walk into the living room, I stop in my tracks.
“What are you doing here?”I ask in surprise.
Startled, Ember whirls around to face me, and so does Lin, who was in the middle of slipping colorful mini umbrellas into an array of glasses.Lydia pauses in mid-movement too, but the streamer in her hand takes on a life of its own and unrolls itself.We watch in silence as it ends up in a sad little heap on the floor.
Then Ember plants herself crossly in front of me.“Why did you pick today of all days to emerge from your shell?”she snaps.“We’ve been able to set our watches by the times you come out of your room, but now—right when I’ve been planning a surprise girls’ night for you—you have to come down early.That’s just…bloody hell, Ruby!”
I look at each of them in turn.Then a slow smile spreads over my lips.
“We’re seeing the new year in together?”I ask cautiously.
Lin smiles back at me.“That was the plan.”
As the realization truly sinks in, I give Ember a firm hug.“Thank you,” I mumble into her shoulder.“I think this is just what I need.”And Ember had guessed that, which shows me yet again that she knows me better than anyone else in the world.
“I thought it might help cheer you up a bit,” my sister whispers, stroking my back.
I nod.For the first time since the whole thing happened with James, I feel truly happy.“Thanks,” I say again, to Lin and Lydia, hugging each of them too.“I can’t wait.”
After that, I help them put up the rest of the streamers and to scatter the rose-gold confetti.Ember hooks up the ancient pair of speakers we bought at some flea market to her laptop and tells me the plan for the evening while hunting for a suitable playlist.She’s obviously had a lot of ideas and planned everything down to the tiniest detail, which makes me want to fling my arms around her neck again.But I refrain, and just listen from my spot on the sofa.
“I thought we could start by writing down our favorite moments from the last year and then sharing them with each other.Then we can watch a film—we’ll pick one in a minute—and polish off this mountain of popcorn.”She points to a bowl on the coffee table.Dad normally uses it for taking enormous salads to family parties.Now it’s filled to the brim with popcorn, and the sweet, buttery scent of it is wafting across the whole room, making my mouth water.
“Then we can have dinner,” Ember continues.“Dad’s made us quiche for the main course, and there’s pudding too, and then we’ll get to what I suspect will be Ruby’s favorite part of the night.”
Lin holds up a translucent bag, in which I can make out little books and pens.
I don’t even pretend to think about it.“Writing our New Year’s resolutions!”
