Page 136 of Save You
But before I put it into action, I’m going to party with my friends.
James
Normally, New Year’s Eve with my friends is legendary.In the past, we’ve rented a lakeside villa or thrown parties in London that are booked up months in advance.We’ve kept drinking into the small hours and forgotten everything around us.
This year, I spend New Year’s Eve at home alone.
Where’s Dad?Not a clue.The staff have the night off and Lydia’s out with a friend.She didn’t tell me who.Since our fight a couple of days ago, she’s been ignoring me, only speaking to me when she has to.
Wren tried to talk me into going away with him and the lads this year too, but I couldn’t get my arse into gear.Just the thought of being stuck in some London club with all the deafening music and champagne makes my hair stand on end.I can’t keep on acting like the old days.Not after my life has turned one-eighty in the last three months.Not when nothing inside me looks the same anymore.
I spend the evening watching wildlife documentaries about the Kenyan savannah on my laptop and eating takeaway kebab and chips out of cardboard boxes.Sometimes I succeed in taking my mind off things for five minutes straight.But most of the time, I’m thinking about Ruby.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve realized to my frustration thatwe didn’t collect enough shared memoires.There are no photos of us, nothing to remind me of what we experienced together.All I have left is the bag I had made for her birthday.It’s still standing there beside my desk, mocking me day in, day out.I can’t count the times I’ve picked it up and looked inside, just in case Ruby left anything in it.A note, or anything to hint that she really used it and liked it.
I feel as though my memories are slowly starting to fade.The sensation of Ruby’s skin on mine, our voices, her laugh.Everything is growing mistier and less tangible, even the day she was here, consoling me.The only thing that I can still see clearly, that still replays over and over again in my head, is the expression on her face when she saw me with Elaine.I’ll never forget that.And I’ll never forget what it did to me—even through the haze of alcohol and drugs.At that moment, and every day since.
My original plan was to sleep through into the new year, but it’s after one now and I’m wider awake than ever.On the spur of the moment, I decide to go down to the fitness room.Maybe an hour on the treadmill will not only tire out my body but also get my head to shut up.
I put on my shorts and T-shirt, pull on my running shoes, and grab my iPhone, which has been sitting, ignored, on my bedside table since this afternoon.My headphones are still plugged in and, as usual, I have to untangle them first.I’m about to put them on when I hear someone walking down the landing.
Presumably Lydia’s back.
I open the door to wish her a happy new year—and freeze.
My sister is not alone there.
I rub my eyes because I think I’m dreaming.But no.After I’ve lowered my hand again, I can still see two people.
Ruby is standing on our landing.
There’s a dark blue bundle jammed under her arm.It doesn’t take me much thought to work out what it is.It’s my jumper.The one I put on her after Cyril’s party.The one I didn’t mind missing from my wardrobe because I liked the idea that Ruby had it.
Ruby is saying something quietly to my sister, who nods.Lydia glances briefly at me, but looks away again at once, then vanishes into her room.Good to know that I’ve pissed my sister off so thoroughly that she can’t even bring herself to wish me a happy new year.
“Can we talk?”Ruby asks.
I swallow hard.I haven’t seen her, or heard her voice, for so long, and now she’s standing only a few feet away.Being this close to her is making my heart beat like wild; I long to cross the gap between us and take her in my arms.But I just nod, turn, and walk back into my room.Ruby follows me hesitantly.I click the light on and sigh.It’s definitely looked better in here.My checked pajama trousers that I just took off are lying in the middle of the floor, there are magazines everywhere, and the bed is unmade and probably stinks of greasy takeaways.
And to top it all off, Ruby’s bag is standing in plain sight on my desk.
Ruby looks around, her expression indecisive.In the end, she sits on the smaller of the two sofas.My hoodie is in her lap.
Why the hell does my room suddenly feel so warm?I feel in urgent need of a glass of water.
“Do you want anything to drink?”I ask.
“No, thank you.”
I pour myself some water but as I lift the glass, I notice thatmy hand is shaking.So I put it down on the desk and look at Ruby instead.
She says nothing.
After a minute or two, I make a desperate attempt to break the silence between us.“Have you had a good evening?”
Ruby contracts her eyebrows.“Yes,” she says.
That’s all.
