Page 139 of Save You
“I hope for your sake you were drunk,” says James.
Cyril grins.“Not just drunk.”
“Guys, we’re at school.Can we keep the conversation a bit less X-rated?”I suggest.
Alistair turns toward me, eyebrows raised.He shakes his golden curls out of his face and walks backward for a couple of steps.“Lydia Beaufort, is that really you?You’re worse than the rest of us put together.”
“Hmm.Not worse than James, if you ask me,” Kesh muses.
“Or me.”Wren raises an eyebrow.
“You two come in joint second place.”Alistair digs him in the ribs and Wren laughs out loud.
I shake my head with a grin.I love the boys for acting totally normal.It almost makes me feel like nothing’s changed.And it’s taking my mind off things, which is exactly what I need right now.My first lesson of term is about to start, and it’s with Graham—the thought of how things will be between us is making me edgy.I haven’t spoken to him since that horrible phone call just after Mum died.
I hoped that my longing for him would fade over time, but the opposite seems to be true.It hurts more with every day and my only consolation in the last few weeks has been not having to see Graham on top of everything else.But the grace period is over.
Before we say goodbye outside the classroom door, James gives me a hard stare.It’s as difficult as ever to tell what he’s thinking, but I can’t help noticing a trace of worry in his eyes.We might not have spoken for days, but he knows how scared I am of being face-to-face with Graham again.
“I’ll be OK,” I croak.
James eyes me a moment longer, then nods.“Message me if you need anything,” Cyril murmurs, giving me another hug.“See you at lunch.”
I shut my eyes and allow myself to enjoy the sensation of being held, of not being alone, for a moment or two.He lets go of me and steps to one side.
And then I see Graham.
He’s standing right behind the lads, who are blocking the corridor outside his classroom.His hair has a slight wave and it’s a bit longer than in my memory.He’s wearing a checked shirt under a cardigan, and he has a huge pile of papers in his hand.He looks between Cyril’s and James’s heads, and his golden-brown eyes, which always fascinated me, stare straight into mine.
A shudder runs through my body.The moment seems frozen in time, and I don’t dare to move for fear of losing control.But suddenly, Graham tears his eyes away from me and looks at Cyril instead.The expression on his face is one I’ve never seen before.It’s a mixture of relief and coldness, something I don’t understand and can’t make sense of.
“Come on,” says James, who’s been looking from me to Graham and back again.He nods down the hallway to where he and the others are heading for class.The boys wave, then walk away.
Now I’m alone in the corridor with Graham.He shifts the pile of papers in his arms, fiddles about as if to straighten them up, but they’re already as tidy as can be.Our eyes meet again.
“Lydia…” he says hoarsely, sounding so sad that my throat constricts.
I shake my head.“Don’t.”
Then I turn away, walk into the classroom, and sit in my seat.I spend the whole ninety minutes staring at the wood grain in the desk in front of me, just so as not to have to face the front.
James
School is just dragging on and on today.If I weren’t so worried about Lydia, I’d have skipped off by now.Lessons go at a snail’s pace, and I couldn’t care less what the teachers are saying.At break and lunch, people are practically queuing up to offer me their condolences, which I’m sure are kindly meant, but after a while, it starts pissing me off so much that I tell poor Roger Cree to shut the fuck up and leave me alone.After that, word gets round that it’s safer not to get too close to me just yet.
The worst point of the day comes at the start, though, when I bump into Ruby before first period.We both freeze—her on one side of the corridor and me on the other—and look at each other.
Ihateyou for that.But I love you too, and that’s making the whole thing way harder.I remember what she told me.
She’s the first to look away.Without a word, she walks past and disappears into her classroom.The whole encounter lasts ten seconds max, but it feels like a lifetime.
From then on, all I can think of is Ruby and what she said on New Year’s Eve.
She loves me.
She fuckinglovesme.
It feels like there’s a gaping wound in my chest that just won’t close up.I want to respect her decision, but seeing her and knowing that I’ve lost her is killing me.
