Page 142 of Save You
Lydia swallows hard.“You’re just saying that.But the next time you lose your temper, all you’re going to do is yell unkind words at me again.”Tears run down her cheeks and her body shakes as she suppresses a sob with all her strength.Seeing her like this is killing me.
“I really mean it, Lydia.I’ll be there for you.”I take a deepbreath.“The person I was after Dad told us what had happened—that’s not me.I don’twantto be that guy.It was just…It was too much for me.I wasn’t strong enough, and I’m sorry.”
“You’re squishing my hand,” Lydia murmurs.
For a moment, I’m confused, but as I follow Lydia’s gaze, I catch on and let go.“I’m sorry for that too.”I smile apologetically at her.
“Oh, James.”Suddenly Lydia leans into me and rests her head on my shoulder.I breathe out.“What you said really hurt me.”
I gently stroke the back of her head.
We used to sit like this often.When we were five, Lydia would climb into my bed if there was a thunderstorm, and when we were ten it would be because Dad had screamed at us over grades that weren’t good enough.Even at fifteen, after the Gregg thing, she knocked on my door some nights and then lay down in my bed next to me without a word.I always used to stroke her hair and tell her that everything was going to be fine, even if I was never convinced of that myself.
I wonder if she’s remembering those times too, or if that’s a part of our past that she’s repressed.Repression is one thing we Beauforts are pretty good at.
“What I said wasn’t true.You’re the most important person in my life, Lydia.”
Beside me, Lydia freezes, and with every second that she doesn’t react, I feel more and more exposed.I’m desperately searching for something I could add to lighten the mood but can’t think of a thing.So instead, I decide to ask one of the questions that have been buzzing around inside my head for more than an hour.
“Have you been to the doctor?I have no idea how it all works.Is everything OK?What are those vitamins for—do they mean you’re short of something, or what?”
I notice the tension gradually easing from Lydia’s body.She takes a deep breath and then turns her head to look at me from the side.I return her gaze.In the moment that a slight smile starts to spread over her lips, I know that we’ve made it.The gulf between us has been bridged.
“I got the vitamins straight after the first checkup—nearly everyone takes them to start off with.And last time, everything was totally fine.”She pauses.“Except, there was one tiny surprise.”
I raise an eyebrow.“Another one?”
“It’s twins.”
I stare at Lydia in disbelief.“You’re kidding me.”
She shakes her head and pulls out her phone.She opens the gallery and shows me a photo where you can see the pale outline of a tiny body against a dark background.Then she pulls up the next picture.It actually looks exactly the same—except that you can clearly see a second outline next to the first.
Something skips in my stomach and I suddenly feel really weird.At the same time, I laugh with disbelief.“That’s too crazy to be true.”
Lydia grins.“I couldn’t help laughing at first either, because I couldn’t believe it.Well, saying that…I actually laughed and cried at the same time.Ruby must have thought I was having a nervous breakdown.”
At the sound of Ruby’s name, I automatically straighten up a little.“Ruby was with you at the appointment?”
Lydia avoids my eyes, studying the phone in her hand intently.“Yes.She’s known for a little while.”
I rub my hand over my chin.My throat suddenly feels dry.
“I asked her not to tell anybody.Please don’t be pissed off with her.”
I can only shake my head.Then I sink back and cross my arms over my face.
Ruby knew.
Ruby was there for my sister.After everything I did to her, she didn’t leave Lydia in the lurch.Unlike me.
I can’t breathe.
“James?”whispers Lydia.
My arms are shaking, but I can’t lower them.I’m so ashamed.Of everything.All the mistakes I’ve made as a boyfriend and a brother fall on me like a ton of bricks, until I can hardly bear it.
My sister pulls my arms away and looks at me in concern.Understanding spreads over her face.After a while, she drops down beside me and together, we stare up at the chandelier in the middle of her room.
