Page 166 of Save You
James looks at me in despair.“I so regret that; I hate having hurt you, Ruby.I wish I could make it unhappen.”
I shake my head.“I don’t know if I can ever forget it.”
“You don’t have to.And I won’t either.What I did that evening was the biggest mistake of my life.”He takes a shuddering breath.“I understand if you can’t forgive me.But you have to know that I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart.”He presses his lips together and glances down for a moment.Then he blinks several times.I can see him fighting against tears.My eyes have started stinging too, at his words.
James takes a moment to catch himself.“I know it’s not your job to make me happy, Ruby.I didn’t mean it like that.I don’t see you as some miracle cure for my sorrows.That just came out totally the wrong way.”He runs his hand over his face.“You don’t have to forgive me.And we don’t have to get back together.I just want you to know how much you mean to me.I don’t want to live any life that you’re not part of.Whatever that means.”
James’s chest rises and falls rapidly; his eyes are glassy.“The person you got to know in Oxford…that’sthe real me.And I’d like to have more days with you where I can prove that.”
Our night in Oxford was the most beautiful of my life, but I haven’t allowed myself to truly think about it since then, because I was afraid that doing so would break me.But now I let myself remember.I remember our conversations.The way he told me about his fears and his dreams.The way we held each other.
Seeing James like this reminds me of Oxford.At this moment, he is back to being the man he showed me for the first time there.The man I fell in love with.
I take a cautious step toward him and put my arms around his waist.
James stiffens as if that was the last thing he’d been expecting.I’m very still as he carefully puts his shaking arms around me, as if he’d forgotten how to hold me right.I shut my eyes as he gently runs his hands over my back and whispers another apology.
After a while, I let my hands drop to his hips and grab his shirt in my fists.The fabric crinkles under my fingers as James moves his lips to my temple.“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs again.
“I know,” I whisper.
We stand there like that, beneath the chandeliers in the center of Boyd Hall, right next to the sound desk.James is holding me gently so that I could shake off his arms at any moment, if I wanted to.But it doesn’t come to that, because it’s an eternity since anything felt this right—as though I’ve finally come home after a long journey.
James’s hands are gentle on my back, his breath is tickling my hair, and his ribs rise and fall in unison with mine, while the words he’s whispering are giving me the feeling that there might be hope for us after all.
19
Ember
Maxton Hall is just insane.
Obviously when Ruby applied for the scholarship here, I looked at photos of the school on the internet, but seeing the buildings for myself, with their towers, imposing façades, and arched windows, is something else.
I’m halfway across the parking lot before Ruby’s even got out of the car.It’s hard to keep the hem of my long dress out of the mud.It rained last night and there are puddles everywhere.We took the pictures for my blog post last night, but I still don’t want to arrive at my first Maxton Hall party in a mucky dress.
“Hang on, Ember,” I hear Ruby shout as I approach the huge, intricate wrought iron gates, topped with the school’s initials, that lead into the front courtyard.
It’s a breathtaking sight.
I pull out my phone, switch it to the front camera, and hold it up.I try to get as much of myself, the gate, and the school in the background into the photo as possible, but it’s not as good as I was hoping.
“Can you take another picture of me?”I ask Ruby as she catches up with me.Without waiting for an answer, I slip off my jacket and hold it out to her, along with my phone.“It would be perfect if you could get the school in the background too.It looks dreamy, lit up like that.”
“One photo,” Ruby says, getting herself into position.“Then we’re going in.”
I nod.“Yes, ma’am.”
Ruby counts to three and I beam into the camera.
After that, she hands me my jacket back, waits till I’ve put it on again, and then passes me the phone.
“You look so lovely,” says my sister.
“And so do you,” I reply as a matter of course.Then I lift the phone, switch back to the front camera, and pull Ruby in close to my side.“Saycheese!”
The two of us grin into the camera.Once I’ve pressed the shutter button at least ten times, Ruby pulls away from me and I hurriedly glance through the photos.
The ones of me outside the school make me smile.
