Page 135 of Save You
“Oh, how pretty,” I say as Lin passes round the little notebooks.They’re very plain with black covers and accents picked out in gold, speckled creamy-white pages, and two ribbon bookmarks—just what I like best.
“This is going to be my first bullet journal,” says Lydia, staring at the notebook and then looking at us in slight confusion.“What do I have to do?”
Ember piles up our plates and puts them to one side, then she puts her laptop in the middle of the coffee table so that we can all see the screen.“It’s really simple,” she says.“Every New Year’s Eve, we write down our resolutions.”She opens her book and points to the first page.“And before that, we have to decide on a heading.”
Together, we search the internet for fonts we like and try to copy them, or to be inspired by them.For the most part, we work in silence, the only sounds being our pens on the paper and the soft background music.
But as I focus on the last details of my heading and circle the date of the coming year in a pale gray, I suddenly feel heavyhearted again.By this time next year, everything will have changed.
In seven months from now, I’ll do my A levels.And—hopefully—I’ll pass.And after that I’ll leave Maxton HallCollege and—hopefully—be at St.Hilda’s.I’ll have new teachers and new classmates.I’ll have a new room in college and new surroundings and new friends.
An exciting new life.
A life without James Beaufort.
The idea takes me by surprise and hurts more than I’d have thought possible, but I try to push it away.I grab a pen and start writing:
Resolutions:
Get A level grades I need
Oxford
Keep in touch with Mum, Dad, and Ember
Make at least one new friend
Stop worrying so much about what other people might think of me
But as I make a note of each point in turn, I realize that it doesn’t feel right.This list isn’t honest enough, and if I really listen to my heart, I know why.
In the last year, I fell in love for the first time—and my heart was broken in the cruelest way.I can’t just erase that fact.I’m going to need quite a while to work through it.Because heartache doesn’t stop just because we’ve rung in a new year.
Until now, I haven’t wanted to see James.I’d hoped that eventually, I’d start to forget him.But now I realize that I can’t write my resolutions while things are still up in the air between us.There’s way too much that I want to say to him.And I don’t think I’ll be able to start the new year without doing that.I won’t be able to start again while James is still taking up so much space in my thoughts, my feelings, and my life.
“Ruby?”I hear Lin’s voice as if from a great distance.
I look at her and make a decision.
