Page 147 of Save You
My brother gives me a long look.Clearly, he can put two and two together.“You still haven’t spoken to Sutton, then?”
I shrug my shoulders.“What is there to talk about?We both know that it’s better this way.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t know you’re pregnant.That changes everything.”
“He doesn’t want anything more to do with me.”I shove the rest of the biscuit into my mouth and chew.“He’s told me that more than once.Besides, for one thing I have my pride…”
“And for another thing…?”
I look back at James.“Besides, I’m scared to tell him.I don’t want to know how he’ll react.I have to get my own head around it first, and then I’ll have space to work out what to do if he doesn’t respond the way I’d hoped.”
“Lydia…” James’s phone rings.He doesn’t go to answer it, just keeps looking intently at me.
“Pick up!”I insist.“I bet that’s a potential sponsor.”
He hesitates a moment.Then he picks up his phone and glances at the screen.He takes the call.“Owen,” he says loudly.“Thanks for getting back to me.”
I pretend to vomit.Owen Murray is the CEO of a telecoms company and one of Dad’s best friends.Neither James nor I can stand him, and I’m pretty sure the feeling’s mutual.
“Not too bad in the circumstances,” says James.Suddenly, his voice is firm and businesslike.“No, I’m not calling on Beaufort’s business but on behalf of Maxton Hall.We’re holding a charity gala for the Pemwick Family Center in early February and we’re looking for sponsors.”
I can hear a quiet murmur on the other end.
“Of course.I’ll send you the details.That would be amazing, Owen, thank you.”
James ends the call and types something into his phone.
“If you don’t tell Sutton, you’ll never knowhowhe’ll react.”
“So you think I should tell him?”
He nods.“Yes.And I think he has a right to know.”
I stare into my cup.I peer at the rest of the bright fruit tea and try to make out a pattern in the sludge on the bottom.
Don’t call me.We agreed.
Even if he decides to be there for me and the twins from now on—what does that even mean?That he feels guilty, nothing more.But there’s nothing I want more in the world than to be with Graham becausehewants it too.By choice and not because the pregnancy has forced his hand.
James’s phone rings again.He holds up a finger to tell me that our conversation isn’t over, then he takes the call.
I finish my tea and put the empty mug down on the table.Then I pull out my own phone and tap on my messages.I still have Graham’s number saved.I just couldn’t bring myself to delete it.Just having it there and knowing that I could text him if I wanted to is enough.
I scroll to the top of our chat.It’s not just everyday texts and photos; we shared our deepest anxieties and worries.Any normal person would have deleted those messages, rather than keeping them and constantly flicking through them like an old photo album.
Apparently, I’m not a normal person.
This is all I have left of him.And I’m just not ready to let go of him forever.To be honest, I don’t know if I ever will be.I miss him so much.I miss our phone calls, him laughing at bad action comedies, our fingers intertwined beneath a café table.Knowing that I can’t get that back is driving me almost out of my mind.
“That sounds great,” James says.His voice sounds so enthusiastic that I raise an eyebrow at him.“Yes, of course.No, thankyou, Alice.Speak to you later.”James sighs with relief and stretches both arms over his head.
“Alice?Alice Campbell?”I ask.
He turns to me.“She owes me a favor.”
“I’d rather not know why.”
He smiles with embarrassment.“Ruby really admires Alice.”
