Page 40 of Save You
I haven’t a fucking clue if Mum would have thought that.I didn’t ever really know her.
Something in my chest clenches.For a moment, I consider running out, without another word, but I can’t.The only way out of here is to get through the next hour.Whatever it takes.
“I am looking forward to a future where I can follow in Mum’s footsteps, doing what she loved and devoted her life to.I can never fill her shoes, but I can at least do my best.”
My gaze meets my father’s.I wonder if he can see the lie in my eyes, and if he clocks that I’m just putting on a show here.Because that’s all it is.A show where everything is rehearsed and nothing is real.
There doesn’t seem to be enough room in my chest for oxygen—it suddenly feels so tight that it’s hard to breathe.Again, I think about Ruby.Ruby telling me that I can do what I want.Ruby, who made me believe in a life where I have options and can choose my own path.
“I can say with true conviction that with all of you as colleagues, the future will surely be crowned with success.”
I nod to everyone around the table and sit down.Some of the disapproving glares have softened during my speech, and they all clap again.
I dare to glance at Dad and a shudder runs through me.He gives me a nod, clearly satisfied with my words.I’ve never felt more like a puppet.
14
Ruby
I read the email once.
And again.
And then a third time.
I read it again and again until the letters start to blur together and I have to blink.
“Mum,” I say.
Mum makes an inquiring sound.She’s sitting next to me at the kitchen table, flicking absentmindedly through a homeware catalog.
“Mum,” I repeat, more urgently this time, pushing my laptop toward her, the email open.
Now she looks up.“What?”
I hold my breath, pointing fiercely toward the computer.Mum’s gaze follows my finger.Her eyes flit over the screen.She pauses and looks at me, then back to the screen.The next moment, she claps her hands to her mouth.“No way,” she breathes quietly.
I nod.“Yes way.”
“No!”
“Yes!”
Mum jumps up and flings her arms around me.“I’m so proud of you!”
I hug her back and shut my eyes.I try to do what I always did when I was little—I concentrate really hard so that I’ll always remember this moment.I drink in Mum’s scent, the sound made by the oven, the aroma of baking scones, and the immeasurable joy that floods through me as I realize that my most heartfelt dream has come within touching distance.
“I’m so happy,” I mumble into her shoulder.
Mum strokes my back.“You deserve it, Ruby.”
“I need to start applying for bursaries and a student loan,” I say, not letting go of her.
Her embrace is firmer than ever.“There’s plenty of time for all that.You don’t have to think about it all at once.Now—”
She’s interrupted by the doorbell.
“Will you get that?”she asks, pulling away.“Ember must have forgotten her key.Then you can tell her your good news right away.”
