Page 48 of Kane's Bounty
The sudden rage that boiled up from her gut surprised her as much as it seemed to surprise him when her protective wall slipped and he felt the thrust of her fury. His eyes widened.
She couldn’t control her anger. “Fuck you! You don’t know what will make me feel better. You have no idea what the bastard did to me. How can you know what it’s like to lose your mind to someone? And Banta…” Shivering at the evil in Banta’s mind, she wiped the tears away. She hated crying, but she couldn’t stop. She was angry, but she was so filled with sorrow and fear it was hard to breathe.
Kane watched her for a moment. His eyes were filled with regret. She didn’t know if he was sad about what had happened to her or something else until he started to speak. “I’ll admit, I have never been violated the way you were. Believe me, Lena, if I could have traded places with you this morning, I would have. I would have done anything to keep you from that monster.”
“You said they trained you to do what Banta did to me.”
He looked away from her. “I was trained.”
She thought there was more to the sentence, but he didn’t continue. “Did you ever use your training?”
He nodded. “It’s the thing I am most ashamed of in my life.”
“Is that why you don’t work for the government like your brother?”
“They require you to agree to use any means to gain information. I won’t do that. In order to invade the mind of another person, you have to open the darkest parts of your mind to the victim. The harder they fight, the more of their attacker’s darkness is shared. Even if you had let Banta in, it would have been terrible, but fighting him forced him to push more negativity at you to wear you down.” He was silent for a long while. “I know you have seen things in Banta’s mind that were terrible.” He took a deep breath. “I can help you when you’re ready, Lena. I can take some of the pain away.” He twisted his hands together and stared at the worn rug on the floor.
“How would you do that?”
Kane looked up and his eyes bore into hers. “You would have to trust me completely.”
“You mean you want to crawl inside my head like he did.” Bile rose in her throat. He gripped her shoulders.
“No, not like him. Never. I will never hurt you, Lena.”
She turned her head.
“Look at me,” he begged.
When she turned back to meet his gaze, he said, “I only want to help. It does not have to be now or even this month or this year. You just have to tell me when you are ready to let it go and I will help you.”
Her heart was pounding so hard she could barely think. It had only been hours earlier when Banta had violated her mind, but so many things were spinning in her head, it seemed as if she’d been suffering for days.
She jumped at the pounding on the door. She was on her feet in an instant and looking for an escape route. She could see a fire escape at the window.
Kane swore and grabbed her by the wrist. “Wait. It’s only Shamus with the food. Relax.”
He got up and checked.
Wade brought them a large bag of Chinese food and some bottled water. He mumbled something about seeing them in the morning and left.
* * *
Kane had givenher the bed and said he would sleep on the couch. He hadn’t even mentioned sleeping together. She didn’t know if he was trying to be nice because she’d had a rough day or if he was repulsed by what Banta had done to her. Was she so damaged he no longer wanted her?
They hadn’t talked about how he could help her again. She had the distinct impression that whatever he would have to do was distasteful and he only offered because he felt responsible and maybe he cared for her. She’d heard him say he loved her when Banta was pushing into her mind. At least, she thought she’d heard it. Everything in her head was slightly out of place. She couldn’t sort through it all.
It was late, but cars still passed by the apartment building, casting shadows across the walls and ceiling. When she closed her eyes, she saw Troth Banta’s face laughing at her. She couldn’t stand it, so she stared at a water mark on the ceiling.
The couch creaked, indicating Kane had gotten up. She expected him to go to the bathroom, but instead he knocked softly on the bedroom door.
“Come in.” She sat up.
His chest was bare, but he still had on jeans. He padded over to the mattress and looked down at her. “I could feel you awake.”
“Sorry. Was it keeping you up?”
He shook his head and pointed to the mattress. “May I?”
