Page 20 of Joshua's Mistake
From someone else she might have been insulted, but the assignment was probably more suited to someone with his skills. “I agree, but I was flattered and eager to get it done.”
“But you never got the chance.”
She shook her head. “Someone must have known where we were. They waited, intercepted the message and took us out of the game. It was a setup. It’s the only explanation.”
“And when you lived through the attack you were targeted as a traitor.”
“Yes.” Her stomach tightened with rage.
“You’ll give yourself an ulcer holding in your temper all the time.”
“I don’t see you raging at the moon.”
He gave a short laugh. “I control my emotions. You stuff yours.”
“Are you trying to tell me what happened over the past two days doesn’t make you angry? Because if you are I say that’s bullshit.”
“Getting angry doesn’t do anyone any good. I stay even. It’s safer for everyone around me if I don’t let any strong emotions get the better of me. I’ve been keeping it all in check for so long I hardly notice anymore.”
There was something incredibly sad about the statement. Tessa got up and crossed to where he was standing looking out the high window. She could barely see out and all that was there was darkness. “Are you telling me you don’t feel joy, happiness, hate, nothing?”
“I feel them, but not the way most people do. I control the input and the output otherwise things can get dangerous.”
“What about love?”
He turned toward her. “What about it?”
“Do you feel it?”
His eyes narrowed. “I love my brother. I’m very close to my sister-in-law and her family. I would mourn any one of them if they were gone.”
“But you would control that sorrow.”
“Yes.”
“Because you’re dangerous?”
“Are you making fun of me?”
She flinched away from him. He was not exactly angry, but he was not happy either. Still, it kind of pleased her to have elicited a response from him. “No. I just don’t know if that’s a great way to live.”
“Why?” He was facing her now with his hands crossed over his broad chest.
Maybe she should have been afraid, but he’d had plenty of opportunity to harm her if he’d wanted to. “If you never release any emotion, you’re missing out on all the good in life.”
“Some things can’t be helped. If I lost control things could go bad fast.”
She didn’t know what to say. But the idea he didn’t experience any of the emotions that made life worth living broke her heart.
He changed the subject. “I’ll put some feelers out in the morning and try to find out what’s in the wind about us. You can shower if you want. The bathroom is just next door. I’ll bet Will has something in the closet you can put on. Help yourself to whatever you need.”
She wanted to stop him. Tell him he was wrong, she had felt emotion when they’d been linked. He may not allow it out, but it was in there lying in wait for the right moment to burst free. “Okay. Thanks. I will.”
He nodded and walked out the door to the main part of the house. She still sensed his being there, but as he walked toward the kitchen area it became harder and harder to hold on to his presence. What was it about Joshua Lakeland that made her want to touch him? He was right about one thing, he was dangerous.
