Page 43 of Magic Touch
I stand and pace in front of the hearth, then stop and look at the two of them staring at me. "I would give you full access to my mind. I would have you search my heart for anything that might turn to darkness. I do not wish to become a monster."
Prudence struggles to her feet, comes to me, and takes my hands. "You can't become what you are not. Fear not. This magic can be as much a gift as a curse. Bertram was dark because of the choices he made. You will choose better." She pats my cheek. "Esme, take me to my room. I find this talk has exhausted me."
Esme jumps up to do as Prudence asks.
Alone in the parlor, I sit and drink my tea.
Henry clears his throat. "I hardly think you are capable of harming England, Will."
"Eavesdropping is a bad habit." I shift in my seat so I can look at him while he rounds the table and sits in the other chair.
It's rare for Henry to sit in my presence without an invitation. "Still, it's a habit I picked up in the service, and it comes in handy. You would never betray this country or these women."
"No. The man I believe I am wouldn't do those things. I'm just uncertain of what I'm becoming." I swallow down my fears and meet Henry's gaze.
"I see the same man who is my friend. The man who saved my life more than once. I have watched you conjure in that little room, and it is quite amazing, but I have noticed no difference in you, Will."
There is comfort in that. "And you'll tell me, or better yet, tell Miss O'Dwyer, if you notice a change?"
"You have my word." Henry stands, pats my shoulder, and leaves the parlor.
I sit until the tea is cold. I let the sounds of heartbeats both inside the house and out fill me with what is wondrous about magic.
Simon jumps into my lap, and we sit a while longer.
"I'm going up to wash and change, little friend. I suppose you will be the first to know if I'm a bad egg." I scratch the back of his head.
Intelligent eyes stare back at me as if the answer is obvious.
With a bit more hope in my heart, I go get clean from my swim.
Chapter
Twelve
ESME
I've been staring at the spot on the ceiling for hours. I'm never going to find sleep. The fact that I can feel William's arousal and his desire for me from down the hall isn't helping. Though, I can't blame him entirely.
The oppressive heat has eased little from the day, and even with the window open and no blanket, I'm uncomfortably warm.
I push away the connection between us. I've had training against dark witchcraft. Even though there is nothing evil in what William feels or thinks, my training helps to put up a wall between us. Yet, pushing him away hurts more than it should.
It does neither of us any good to give in to the desires. Honestly, it shall be worse for me. He's a gentleman. He can move back to his life without consequence.
Witches take lovers. I remind myself but dismiss the idea of continuing an affair when we return to Windsor. It's better if we are friends. Repeating our encounter will only break my heart, and that organ has no business involved in an affair.
Footsteps in the hall make me hold my breath. I know it's him, as they are too heavy to be Prudence, and the staff wouldn't be so loud. He stops at my door.
Holding still, I let my wall drop and am flooded with desire. It's so strong that when I try to erect my wall again, I'm too distracted to keep his want for me out.
Never has the attention of any man made me so flushed with need.
His footfall moves away, then downstairs and outside. The farther he walks away, the easier it is to push aside our connection. I can't understand why we are like this.
Even at a distance, and with my attempt to break our connection, I feel his relief when he jumps into the pond.
Stay in bed, Esme, I'm screaming inside my head.
