Page 33 of A Heart to Find
She was?
Perhaps she was warming to him after all.
“I need to know some things.”
His gut tightened, and sweat gathered at his temples. “And there are things I want to tell you.”
She released a deep breath through pursed lips. “Let me go first.”
“Of course, Keira. I don’t want there to be anything between us.”
Her piercing eyes sought truth from his, and he wanted to oblige her.
Even if the full reveal of the truth scared him witless.
She took a long sip of water and then clutched her glass to her chest.
“Why did you decide to find love at a matchmaking resort? I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around it, but it doesn’t make sense to me. This is the complete opposite of what you wanted in life. You wanted to experience the world without the heavy weight of love, remember? Or was that a lie you told me so you could protect my self-esteem?” She choked on those last words—words that were a vise on his aching heart.
He leaned forward and gripped the side of the chair, wishing he could hold her and tell her how much he regretted leaving her back then.
“It wasn’t a lie, I promise you.”
She sniffled a little, and he remembered how her nose would always start running before tears started flowing.
He couldn’t handle her tears. Not if he were the cause of them.
“Keira, I did need to experience the world. And I loved it. But a few years after I left, I realized that it couldn’t fulfill me the way loving you had. Knowing how badly I messed up was torture.”
She closed her eyes. He watched her chest rise and fall with each breath.
“That’s almost worse,” she muttered. “But it’s also kind of nice to know you suffered a little.”
“I really did. I wanted to call you a million times.” A self-deprecating laugh punctuated his next words. “I was too afraid of your reaction if you heard my voice on the phone. I tried to track you down online, thinking I could casually slide into your DMs, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. I figured if I could check you out on social media, I could work up the nerve to reach out more personally.”
Speaking his truth out loud stung. The first year or two had been the adventure he craved. And though he had often been surrounded by women and had no problem getting into casual relationships, he had felt the true pangs of loneliness. He had left his heart behind in Healing Springs, and Keira had been the keeper of it. He had never been able to replicate the emotional intimacy he had once shared with her.
“You tried to find me online?” Her voice squeaked and her eyes widened. Her bright eyes glistened.
He nodded and cleared his throat. “Someone close to me suggested this matchmaking resort. I can’t say I thought it was a great idea at first, but eventually I relented. I think I’m like most people here and figure if I can’t find love on my own, maybe someone else could take a shot and have better luck.”
Someone close to me? Why hadn’t he taken the opportunity to tell her about his wife? He hadn’t meant to keep Elizabeth a secret–not when they were sharing information about their time post-high school.
His leg bounced of its own volition.
“So you really didn’t know I’d be here? You were hoping to match with a new person?”
“I never dreamed you’d be here. Not like this. I figured you’d be married, have a bunch of kids, be living your happily-ever-after without me in the story.” He grasped her hand and held it between his two larger ones. “But this is the wildest thing I never could have imagined. I wouldn’t have dreamed it could work out this way, but I’m ridiculously happy that it did.”
“But do you think anything has really changed? I mean, sure. We’ve matured. Maybe I can get over the grudge holding I’ve been doing. But when we were younger, we had much different life goals. You wanted to travel, while I wanted roots. You didn’t want a family, and that’s all I wanted.”
A knock at the door stopped his heart from pounding in his throat. His dry mouth tried desperately to form the words he knew he had to reveal to her. The words that would either break her heart or heal it.
Keira pulled her hand away and lifted her buzzing phone. “That’s Megan and Matt at the door. Would you mind letting them in, please?” She moaned as she shifted in her seat, reaching down to rub her calf.
“Of course. But let me adjust your ice pack first.” Like a Victorian suitor, his fingers tingled as they grazed her leg. He offered her ibuprofen and water, trying his best to keep his sigh to himself when her friends started rattling the doorknob once again.
Annoyed at the interruption, Jared struggled to regain his sense of equilibrium as he crossed the room and opened the door.
