Page 45 of A Heart to Find
Jared listened in silence.
“Pretty bold, if you ask me,” she continued. “But they were madly in love from day one, and all the way until they died in each other’s arms. She gave me the necklace before they died. Maybe she knew her time was coming. I don’t know. But she said it had worked its magic by giving her a lifetime of love and happiness with the man of her heart, and she wanted the same for me.”
Walking next to her, Jared dropped his hand out of his pocket and rubbed her wrist with his pinky. Like a butterfly landing on her skin, the touch barely registered as more than a flutter. Yet that flutter sent shockwaves of intensity through her nervous system and didn’t end until the waves landed with a heavy thunk in her heart.
His deep voice broke through the tension her feelings created.
“I was always so envious of your family.”
“You were? I always thought you found us maddeningly boring.”
“Nah. It’s true I always craved adventure, but there’s something to be said about being around people who actually like to spend time together. When your grandmother would insist I stay for dinner and you guys sat at the actual table rather than in front of the TV… well, I can’t explain how secure that made me feel. I could pretend that I deserved stability like that.”
“Oh, Jared.” Keira stopped walking and waited until he stopped and turned to her. “You have always deserved the world. And stability. I never knew you felt that way. You always seemed so cavalier about your relationship with your parents.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret.” Jared leaned forward as if to protect his words from traveling to anyone else’s ears. “Teen boys aren’t known for their ability to communicate well. And my parents weren’t exactly encouraging me to talk about my feelings.”
“In my grandma’s house, that’s all we talked about,” Keira joked. “Seriously. My poor grandfather had to deal with having all those women and no testosterone to balance it out. No wonder he loved having you around so much.”
“I really loved them, Keira. They made me feel like I belonged. Like I mattered.”
“You mattered! I hate that you ever thought otherwise.”
Jared looked away, but not before she caught a glimpse of the sorrow in his normally passionately cheerful eyes.
“Jared, I wish I knew this. I would have had you over more often. I would have?—”
She stopped before saying the words she almost said. Saying things like “I would have loved you harder and fought for you more” weren’t necessary. Or helpful. There was only so far she could dare to tiptoe down the road of nostalgia without falling into a pit.
A pit of viperous thoughts that included thinking she would have followed him around the world to give him stability he had wanted so desperately.
Jared tilted his head in the way he did before saying something mischievous. His eyes twinkled and crinkled at the edges.
“If I spent any more time at your house, your mother would have charged me rent. Pretty sure she threatened a time or two.”
“If it makes you feel better, that closeness you liked so much about our family completely vanished when my grandparents passed away.” She rubbed the back of her neck. Thoughts of her family brought tension to her shoulders and an ache in her neck muscles.
“That definitely doesn’t make me feel better. Sure, I wanted it for me. But the last thing in the world I wanted was for you to lose something so precious. So rare.”
“Guess it wasn’t as precious as we thought, though. They just had me fooled, making me think they cared about being a close family. Like they cared about me.”
“I don’t believe that. It was precious, even if it didn’t last forever. And I can’t pretend to know what went through their heads and made them okay with turning against you like they did, but I can promise you it has nothing to do with you not being worthy of the love and loyalty they should have been able to freely give you.” He tilted her chin up so she’d look him in the eye. “You deserved better than the hand they dealt you. But don’t think for a minute that you didn’t do everything you possibly could to make things good for them. You were only a kid when you were taking care of that family. And one day you’ll have your own family to pour all that love and nurturing into.”
His words soothed her battered soul, and the way he delivered them almost convinced her they were true.
And talk of a future family had her tingling again—like her soul had been frozen and brought back to warmth too quickly. She couldn’t decide if it was a pleasant sensation or a torturous one.
“You hear me?” Jared asked, tickling her chin and forcing a smile onto her reluctant face.
“How can I not? You’re inches away from me.”
“Does this bother you?” His deep, savory tones sent shimmers of light throughout her darkened heart, jolting her back to life and convincing her she had stepped into a time machine.
She shrugged. The lie wouldn’t work its way through her vocal cords, but at least her shoulders gave her some small slice of deniability.
A snow flurry whipped itself into a frenzy, saving her from herself.
“We should keep looking. Before the snow buries it.”
