Page 52 of A Heart to Find
“I hope you’re all enjoying this special evening of matchmaking on the beach. We sure got lucky with the perfect weather tonight! We’ll be setting up small fires all along the shore, and we urge you to find a circle to join. We’ll be forming ‘talking circles,’ in which we’ll each share something we’ve learned about ourselves thus far in the process of our matchmaking week. We look forward to hearing your thoughts!”
Jared placed his entire hand over hers and squeezed gently.
“Let’s get out of here before the sharing circle melts our brains. We can find something a little more… engaging.”
She jerked her hand away and scratched her neck.
“The talking circle is part of the process. Part of the reason we came here in the first place.”
“We don’t need to sit around and tell strangers what we’ve learned about ourselves to grow our relationship.”
Glaring at him, she suddenly wished for bright light so he could see the disdain in her expression.
“Why let a beautiful night like this go to waste on something so corny?”
“Corny?” she echoed, her voice squeaking. “Sharing feelings isn’t corny. Learning more about ourselves so we don’t duplicate mistakes made in past relationships isn’t corny.”
She bolted out of her chair and struggled to force her cold feet back into her shoes without falling over into the sand. He leapt to his feet as well and reached a hand out in an attempt to steady her. She jerked away from his touch as if she’d get burned if he got too close.
“I should have known better.” She thrust his jacket into his hands with a frustrated huff.
“Whoa, Keira. What just happened?”
“What happened?” She wasn’t typically one to snarl, but the urge to lash out was too strong. “What happened is that I let myself believe that we could maybe do this, this thing.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. If it means that much to you, I’ll?—”
“That’s the thing, though, Jared. I don’t want you to do it because it means so much to me. I want you to do it because you know that everything they’ve set up is part of a process. But who am I kidding? Of course you couldn’t commit to something like this.”
“Keira, wait. We can stay here. I shouldn’t have suggested leaving, you’re right. That was a poor decision.”
Apologies weren’t something he had ever been great at, and she knew she should accept. But a fire burned inside her, and she didn’t know who she was more angry with—him or herself.
Or the ghosts of the past.
All she knew was she couldn’t back down, no matter how much she wanted to. Her temper had ignited, and no amount of deep breathing could tame that particular dragon.
She hated feeling so out of control.
When she reached the end of the sand and stepped onto the walkway, she increased her pace. He remained right behind her.
“Keira, this is ridiculous. Can we please talk? For a minute?”
She flung around and crossed her arms in front of her body.
“Thank you. I don’t understand why you’re this angry with me about wanting to spend quiet time alone with you. I thought we could?—”
“You know what, Jared? It’s all good. Let’s stop pretending, okay? You can’t commit to the process for two weeks—never mind a lifetime. I was the dumb one to think anything would be different this time. That’s the whole reason things didn’t work out for us when we were teenagers, remember? You’ll never grow up.”
“Actually, I remember it a little differently.” His nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed. “It’s not like things were perfect between us, Keira. You were always putting everyone ahead of me. Your family, your friends. Half the time I was pretty sure you didn’t know I existed except in the context of the life you constructed for us in your fantasy world. You just forgot to include me in the planning. And you were too blind to see that I didn’t fit.”
The anger in his voice toned down by the end of his rant, and sadness that bordered on desperation cloyed through his vocal cords. The anger-generated heat in her body vanished, leaving her cold and weak. Her knees trembled, and she wanted nothing more than to turn back the clock and keep her irritation to herself. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to get so angry.
She had no idea she had hurt him so much.
The urge to reach out and touch him, to console him, was strong. Her fingers itched to touch his face. To make him smile. Words of apology tried to squeeze themselves out past the pride blocking her throat.
Pride won.
