Page 63 of A Heart to Find
“I know she didn’t feel like she could do anything but take my sister’s side, knowing Kyla would use the kids as a weapon against her, too. So I try to forgive. I suppose they really do need each other more than I need them—theoretically. But losing the children…” Her voice trailed off as she stifled a sob. “I can’t tell you the damage that did to me. And I hate to think of what it did to them, too, to think I chose to walk away from them or to leave their lives. That’s why I’m so serious about wanting to make sure I’m with someone who wants to create a family with me. I need children of my own. Children I create who can’t be taken from me. Obviously I can’t replace the beautiful children I’ve lost, but I can’t risk having my heart torn out like that again.”
Tell her.
“Hey guys! Our reservation for dinner got moved and we need to be there in five minutes!” Megan yelled from the track next to where they stood. “Grab a sled and meet us at the bottom!”
She didn’t wait for an answer, but hopped on the sled with Matt and squealed over the crest of the hill
“Thank you for letting me get that out.” Keira smiled the most brilliant, beautiful smile. “I think letting all that emotion out worked up my appetite. I am dying for some fried chicken tenders and greasy french fries!”
She pulled him to the sled, effectively ending the conversation and preventing him from telling her what he knew he needed to disclose.
He could have made her stop to listen. He could have casually mentioned his daughter and reassured her that he’d never in a million lifetimes use his daughter as a weapon against her, and that even if things didn’t work between them, he’d always welcome her presence in Hailey’s life.
But he didn’t.
Because he was a coward.
And now she would feel like he kept secrets. Like he hadn’t been open. And even though he had great reasons for not telling her in the beginning, how would he justify not telling her now?
He had to have faith that she’d forgive him for not telling her sooner. That she’d be thrilled their family had already started to grow.
“Are you okay?” she asked when they reached the bottom of the hill.
He nodded, his throat closing at the tender, concerned look she gifted him with. He removed his glove and brushed her wayward, hill-crazed hair off her face, still unable to believe he was allowed to do so.
He’d tell her tomorrow. He’d show her photos and tell her the whole story about his marriage to Elizabeth and the child who had made him realize he had a nurturing side. The child who had helped him become even remotely worthy of partnering with Keira.
Tomorrow.
For tonight, he’d revel in sharing a meal with her and their friends, and do his best not to think about how he’d be crushing her.
Tomorrow.
Chapter 16
Today was the day. The day Keira planned to confess that she’d never stopped loving him, that no one had ever taken his place in her heart, and she didn’t want to waste any more time. She wanted to be one of those instalove couples who had their lives planned out before leaving the island. She wanted reassurance that though their past goals had been different, they were now on the same page.
She wanted a family. Sooner than later. But she also wanted to join him on a trip or two. They hadn’t talked about it, but she hoped he’d be willing to move back home to Healing Springs. If he didn’t?
She’d figure that out later.
Healing Springs, though she’d always love the town, didn’t have the same magnetic power it once did. She thought she’d never leave because she was so firmly rooted to her home turf, but she had lost everyone who had once kept her planted there.
A thrill rose up in her belly, tickling her insides and growing a smile.
Did she actually want to consider moving?
To sell her home? To find a new job elsewhere?
Slow down.
She needed to fully process what all of these thoughts meant. She couldn’t go throwing her life away over an infatuation.
Even as she tried to reason with herself, she knew she didn’t need to. What she felt for Jared went far beyond infatuation.
This was the real deal.
She trusted him fully with her heart. Sure, they had each made mistakes. But they would find their way through future issues, even if he never meditated with her.
