Page 78 of A Heart to Find
She had been a fool to believe this could have been meant to be.
It had been a game all along. An elaborate prank. Except rather than it being set up by Jared as she suspected back on day one of this debacle, it had been his dead wife.
Please don’t start nervous giggling now.
“I’m sorry, Keira. I imagined this part of the evening going much differently.”
When she didn’t reply, he finally looked her way.
“Are you okay? I’m an idiot. I didn’t even consider how this revelation would make you feel.”
She shrugged.
But she had to be honest. No more holding back her thoughts and feelings. She had worth, and she was a human being, and she deserved to have her thoughts and feelings validated just like anyone else.
She had worked hard to get to the point of believing that, and she couldn’t squander her growth now.
“I don’t think I’m okay, Jared.” She paused to breathe deeply again, willing away the emotional breakdown she was sure she had earned by now. “I actually think it’s sort of sweet your wife wanted you to find someone else. I’m just confused about why she thought it would be funny to torture us like this. Were you on bad terms with her or something? Because you made it seem like you were best friends. I just don’t get it.”
He turned to face her fully.
“Keira, no.” He shoved a hand through his hair and groaned. “I’ve made a huge mess of this.”
She couldn’t disagree, but she held onto the edge of her sanity in hopes that something he said would make sense.
“Elizabeth always knew you were the one who got away. She knew how I felt about you, and after we realized our marriage was a crazy sham built by two lonely people who didn’t love each other that way, she tried to convince me to go to you. To find you and do whatever it took to get you back. But then she got sick, and there was no way I’d leave her when we knew she didn’t have long to live. I had no idea she found you. I had no idea you’d be here. But I did know I would put my all into this experience, because I wanted to find what you and I once had. I could never have dreamed I’d actually find you again, but my goal was one hundred percent to come here and be matched with someone who would make my heart swell the way you did. Who would make me want to be a better man. Who would guarantee I’d smile every day for the rest of my life, and who would make me excited to welcome every new day.”
He reached over and clutched her hand like a lifeline.
“Never in my most wild fantasy could I have imagined I’d actually find you. The embodiment of all my hopes and dreams.”
“Now you’re being corny.” But she used her free hand to swipe away the tear that leaked out the corner of her eye.
“You make me that way, what can I say?”
“Jared, I can’t?—”
“Shh. Don’t say anything right now. We’re in a strange place in our relationship. You’ve been very upset with me—rightfully so—and you have a lot of information to process. Let’s not make any decisions right this minute.”
Where was the impulsive, rash boy she had known? Ready to jump into the fire at any moment with no gear, no plan?
“Tomorrow night is the farewell cocktail party. Take tonight and tomorrow to think about it, meditate on it, consult with your friends about it, whatever it takes. And after all that, if you see yourself in the picture with me, you can tell me tomorrow over a celebratory cocktail.” Jared studied her face, his gaze flickering over every inch before settling back at her eyes. “And if I’m not what you need or want, I will accept it. Brokenheartedly, but I won’t pressure you. Deal?”
She nodded slowly, wanting to jump in his arms and beg him to turn her world upside down.
But he was right. There was a lot to figure out. To plan. To determine whether she had truly put the past—his and hers and all they had done since their previously happy days—behind her.
Could they build a future on such slippery ground?
Was love enough to survive the cold winters of today and tomorrow?
As she took the stairs back to her room, she heard her grandmother’s solemn voice loud and clear.
The weight of loss is only heavy when you’ve had the privilege of having loved, sweet child. Never waste that love. Never turn away from the inevitable grief you’ll feel one day. Because no matter how painful it is to come to the end of the road, the pain means you have had the love that everyone dreams of. A love like the love you so admire between your grandpa and me.
The truth hit her like a meteor shooting from the sky and landing in her heart.
Getting attached to another child and thinking she’d be able to shower that child with love forever was risky.
