Page 12 of As I Am
"From touring, yeah. I go out about three or four months total a year, then come home. I have small breaks between too, but not enough to really do much. When I'm not touring, I'm writing new songs and working on new albums, but I have a lot more time for me then."
Ky bit his lip as he looked up at Carson. "I didn't know who you were until Seth made me watch a video on YouTube. I just don't have a lot of time for music and stuff. I might have heard something you sing, but I wouldn't have been able to say who sang it."
Carson smiled. "I think that's what attracted me to you so much. I mean, what we did in bed was amazing, but it was more that you didn't stare at me like some star-struck fan. You were just you, and you gave me the chance to just be me. You weren't out to sleep with a rock star. I needed that. Even now that you know, you don't stare at me in awe like they do." He used his thumb to gesture across the restaurant where several waiters and staff were watching them intensely.
Ky glanced over and glared at his co-workers, who quickly scattered. "I'm sorry about them."
"It's okay. I'm used to it. It's that way wherever I go. As for sex, it's the same way. I don't have a boyfriend, so from time to time I'll meet a fan or someone and take them to bed while I'm in that town for a night or two. It's the same way. They are with me because of who I am." Carson took a sip of water as he watched Ky over the rim of the glass.
"I guess I've never had time to be that way. I'm not sure I'd even want to. I don't understand it."
"And that is exactly why I wanted to see you again. Do you know how rare that is? For me, it's everything. You walked out the door the other day, and I realized that for the first time since I became famous, I had sex as me. Not as the singer, the famous person. Not as the one who was always worried what might get back to the media. With other guys, I can't drop the performance. They want the same guy in bed that they see on stage. They want what I can give them or what being seen with me can do for them. There was none of that with us. Honestly, it was perfect with you."
Ky blushed. "I enjoyed it too. You didn't treat me like the other men do. I was more than a piece of ass. I think you're the first guy in years who cared that I enjoyed it too."
Carson sat back, stunned by what he was hearing. "Others don't let you come?"
Ky shook his head. "I'm nothing more than a living doll to them. They use me however they want me, toss money at me as they zip up their pants, then leave. You were the first man I've ever had to leave behind. They always leave me." Ky bowed his head and lowered his voice. "You were the first I've ever wanted to stay with longer, but I couldn't. I had somewhere to be."
Hearing everything made Carson wish he'd done more to make sure Ky enjoyed their time together. While the sex had been great, he could have taken more time and paid more attention to Ky's needs. "That shouldn't be how it is. You deserve to get something for it too."
"I do. I get paid." Ky shrugged. "For a guy like me, that money is more important than an orgasm. I can get one of those by myself in the shower."
Carson smiled, but shook his head. "It's not the same as one with somebody."
"No, but they don't put food on the table either. I've worked too hard to get off the streets. I don't want to go back."
Before he could respond the waiter came to bring them their food. He waited patiently for him to leave before starting the conversation again. "I have never been homeless, but I know what it's like to struggle. My family never had much money. I can't imagine what it's been like for you."
Ky looked him straight in the eyes. "I've done what I had to so I could survive."
He wanted to ask how much longer he'd need to sell himself, but it didn't seem a question he should ask. He reached for his water. "So, you work here when you can and subsidize it by working the streets?"
"Pretty much. I get some assistance from the state, but it's not a lot. I know Trevor tries to get me all the hours he can, but he was fully staffed when he hired me. Until someone quits or gets fired, I'm stuck with what hours I can get. He has another place in Tooele, but that's too far for me to get to."
"You're pretty amazing. I'm not sure I could have survived the way you have. I think it might have done me in."
"You don't know that. You do what you have to."
"I do know one thing." Carson smiled. "I want to get to know you better." He reached across the table and covered Ky's hand with his. "Will you spend tonight with me?"
Ky looked shocked, but quickly shook his head. "I want to, but I can't. I have to work."
"Here?" Carson didn't want to think about the hollow feeling that Ky's rejection left him feeling.
Ky shook his head no.
"Ah, then let me pay you. I'll give you a thousand dollars if you'll spend the whole night with me tonight." It felt wrong to offer him money when Carson really hoped they could be friends, but if it took money to do it, he wasn't against doing it that way.
Ky's eyes went wide. "That's a lot of money. What would I have to do for that?"
Carson's stomach tightened. He didn't want to think what other men might pay extra for. "Nothing. I'm talking about getting a hotel room, kicking back, watching some movies, maybe going for a swim. We can do dinner somewhere around town, though I need to make sure it's secure, and then we can have breakfast in the morning. I'll drop you off wherever you want after that. We don't even have to have sex, though I'd like to think that we both enjoyed it enough last time that we might want to do it again sometime."
Ky bit his lip. "I'd have to work some things out first. Can I call you later, after my shift here and let you know?"
"If you really don't want to, tell me now. I don't want to push." Carson didn't want Ky feeling as if he had to do anything.
"No, I'd like to. I just need to make sure I work some stuff out first. I need to change some plans if I can." Ky looked down at where Carson's hand covered his. "Why are you doing this?"
Carson smiled. "Maybe because I need a friend."
"So you pay for one?"
Carson shook his head. "No, I'm paying for your time. Friendship isn't something money can ever buy. It has to come naturally. I know we don't have a lot of time together to know, but I like to think that a friendship is slowly starting to work its way between us. I figure one night together and we'll both know if it's worth making time for."
Ky smiled, then slowly turned his hand over to link his fingers with Carson's. "I already think it is."
