Page 2 of As I Am
Simple things really, but they meant so much to him. After having people jump at his every need while on tour, once he got home, he could forget everything, and even if it was just for a few days, he was just Carson. A normal man with a normal family and nothing else to think about.
Twenty-four years old, with millions of dollars, a mansion, and anything else he dreamed of, and he still chose to go back to his parents' house as often as he could, so that he could feel that way.
He'd felt that way with Ky. By some miracle, he hadn't known who he was. What they had done might have only taken an hour or two, but it was real. Ky hadn't looked at him with wide, star-filled eyes, he hadn't asked about his music or asked for an autograph. Carson should have been the one thanking Ky for helping him feel normal.
Being one of the biggest rock stars in the country was amazing, and even with all the negative things, Carson wouldn't trade it for anything, but it made those rare moments that he got to be himself even more special.
He stared up at the ceiling, wondering where Ky had to go. He hadn't missed the way Ky kept looking at the clock. Had he been lying? Was it another man? Hell, did it matter? Ky wasn't his. As much as he enjoyed their time together, he got what he paid for. Why then did he feel more uneasy and lost than he had before he picked Ky up? For a brief time, he'd felt content and calm. Nothing mattered as he had sex with Ky. He'd lost himself in Ky's body, enjoying the soft gasps and the little smiles that Ky gave him as he buried himself deep inside him.
Forcing himself out of bed, Carson headed to the shower. He could still smell Ky on his body, and as much as he wanted to savor the scent, it was best he cleaned up. There was no point in thinking about Ky. They had their time, and now he was gone.
Carson laughed as he turned on the water. How many men had he had to kick out of his bed in the past? Now that he'd found one he wanted to linger and spend time with, he'd up and left long before Carson was ready for him to.
It was better this way. He'd shower and leave, go back home and get on with his life. There was no point in keeping the hotel room when he had a house just ten minutes away.
As he stepped into the hot water, he blew out a long, discontented breath. How could he have everything he wanted and yet feel so alone? Would there ever be someone in his life again that didn't want to use him? Someone who he didn't have to put a mask on for and be someone he wasn't.
What was it they said about everything having a price? Loneliness was the price for fame, and he was feeling it harder than ever. As the water washed all signs of Ky away, Carson wondered if it ever got easier.
