Page 20 of As I Am
CHAPTER NINE
Ky reached over and grabbed another strawberry off the tray of food that sat on the bed between them. After a huge steak dinner, he shouldn't still be hungry, but the strawberries were so good he couldn't stop eating them. It was odd to have food just sitting there to munch on whenever he wanted it.
It was hard to get used to just being relaxed. He kept looking at Carson and feeling like he should be doing something to please him. It was strange to just sit back and watch a movie with someone without having to worry about sex or what was going to happen next.
Not that he minded having sex with Carson.
When they had sex before, it shocked and scared Ky with how aroused he'd become. Never did he let himself lose control while with another man, but with Carson, there had been times where he'd forgotten where he was and was consumed with the pleasure Carson brought him. To be allowed to come first, and to be able to set the pace and take his pleasure from the whole thing was something he'd never had before. It was a gift Carson had given him, but it was also a curse, because now, more than ever, he would compare every man to the one who was lying beside him, and he was pretty sure none of the other men would come close to being as wonderful as Carson was.
It was easy to forget he was someone famous. It wasn't like Ky knew much about his music anyway, and he didn't ask, wanting to give Carson the same escape from his life as he was giving him. The problem was, it was all going to end come morning. He'd once again have to go back to his regular life and forget that just for a few hours with Carson, he was a normal guy, or at least as close to one as he could be.
He glanced at the TV, seeing the credits running for the movie they'd just watched. It was the first movie he'd seen in a long time. At least one that wasn't a Disney movie since he sat through those from time to time when he was over at Angel's letting Bryan play with Jess.
Stretching, he smiled at Carson. "That was really good."
"I liked it too. I'm glad they had it. I've wanted to see it for a while now." Carson twisted the stem of a strawberry off before popping it into his mouth.
"Can't you go see them when they come out?" Ky asked as he adjusted the pillows propped behind his back.
"I can, but it's hard. I have to take security or arrange private screenings. It's more work than it's worth. I just wait until they come out and buy them. Besides, I really don't have any friends to go with."
"Why not?" Ky was confused that Carson claimed to have no friends.
Carson shrugged. "I guess I pushed them all away. I had a lot of friends before I got famous, but once the money started coming in and I started to make it big, I saw a side of them I didn't like." Carson sat up, sitting cross-legged on the bed. "We used to hang out all the time, but once I had money, they always wanted me to take them places, or if we stayed home, it was about them doing live Facebook or YouTube stuff so people could see them with me. I got no privacy. It was like we weren't really friends anymore. I wanted to sit down and play the latest video game I'd bought, they wanted to hit the biggest club, show off being with me, and have me foot the bill. Every single friend I had was like that."
"And you haven't made any new since?"
"I've met a few people, even dated a few, but it's still the same. They all want to jump into the limelight with me. It's about being seen with me or what I can give them. No one wants to do this kind of stuff. Just hang out, watch a movie, play a video game."
Ky shook his head. "It shouldn't be like that. You're the same person you were before. Maybe a little richer."
"Money matters to people."
"I guess. I've never had a lot, so I learned to get by without it. I wouldn't know what to do with the money you have."
"Maybe that's why I like you. Not once have you treated me like I'm a big deal."
"That could be because I didn't know you were until Seth told me." Ky blushed.
"I wish he hadn't."
"Why, did it change how I was with you?"
"No, not really. If anything, I think it makes you nervous to be with me."
Ky nodded. "If the media found out you picked me up off the street…" He bit his lip.
"Yeah, it wasn't the smartest thing I've done, but I don't regret it. I've had a great time with you. I wish it didn't have to end."
"You know where I work and where I hang out. If you want to get together again someday, you'll be able to find me." Ky reached for the soda he'd set on the nightstand by the bed. "Besides, I'm sure you have your pick of men when you're on tour."
Carson frowned. "Yeah, but again, they just want to sleep with the rock star. I feel like I always have to be on guard. I'm scared to sleep after sex without kicking them out first, afraid they'll run to the media and tell them I snore or take pictures of me to sell to the magazines when I'm naked and asleep. I can't ever let my guard down."
Ky couldn't imagine living that way. "How did you know I wouldn't do that, or do you not plan on sleeping at all tonight?"
Carson smiled. "I could tell you were different that first day. I mean you didn't know who I was then, but still, you aren't the type to take advantage of someone or blackmail them. It's just not who you are. I saw it in your eyes that first time."
"I guess I've learned not to talk. Most the guys who hire me are married. Their wives don't know they're gay. Hell, I'm guessing half of them are pedophiles honestly. They like the younger boys better than any other. A lot of them talk too much during sex. I guess they think I'm dirty enough to deal with all their dark secrets. I don't know. Anyway, I've learned to tune it all out, give them what they pay for, and forget it all as soon as I walk out the door."
