Page 45 of As I Am
She turned from the rack of clothes and squealed. "You look amazing." She rushed to him. "We have got to do a full makeover. It will blow Carson's mind. New clothes, new hair, the whole works. I had no idea you had such a great ass under those baggy jeans you've been wearing."
Ky blushed at her attention. "I guess I could get one pair."
"No, you'll get all three, unless you don't like the designs on the pockets or something." She turned him around as she inspected him. "A pair of black boots, a tight-fitting shirt. You'll look amazing."
Ky bit at his lip again. "I don't know."
"I do. That's why Carson sent me with you." She laughed. "Okay, go try on the other two and see if you like how they look. I'm going to go try on a couple of these shirts. When you are done with the pants, go look at that rack of shirts over there." She pointed across the store. "I think blues and purples will go good on you, but see what you like." She hurried off to the dressing rooms.
Ky made his way back into the dressing room, hoping that it would get easier. He wasn't sure he could deal with a whole day of this. One pair of the pants he was holding cost more than he'd planned on spending all day.
Two hours later, Ky had several bags in his hands, and was wondering how he'd pack his clothes on the plane when they left Houston. Already, he had more than would fit in his backpack.
"Let's grab something to eat." Kylie adjusted her own bags and headed for the food court.
As they sat down with their corn dogs and lemonade, Ky looked around at the other people around them. To most of them, this was a normal day. To him, it was an adventure. He'd tried on more clothes in the last few hours than he had tried on in his life. It was hard to believe, but there were more clothes in the bags stashed under the table than he owned all together. There would be no way he could ever pay Carson back for all the stuff.
"When this tour ends, you and Carson are going to have to go out to dinner with Crystal and me. I want you to meet her." Kylie wiped ketchup from her lips.
"I'd love to, but I'm not sure I'll have time. I start my job right after this leg of the tour ends. I don't want to risk losing it before I really even start." Ky frowned. "I promise that I will meet her as soon as I get some time to come stay with Carson."
"How are you two going to make this work anyway? He lives in California and you in Utah, not to mention he's on tour all the time. I know how hard it can be to be apart. At least Crystal and I live together so we have each other when I'm home."
Ky didn't have an answer. "I don't know. Carson says we can make it work, but it's not like I can afford a lot of time off to come see him."
"I'm sure the two of you can figure it out. I've never seen Carson interested in anyone. I mean there have been guys, but never one he's kept around for more than a night or two. I'm glad he's found you. He's so much easier to be around now. He's usually moody and bitchy on tour."
"Carson bitchy?" Ky couldn't imagine it.
"The fans really get to him. They never leave him alone. I'm lucky enough that I can still go out and seldom do people know who I am, but poor Carson, he can't walk out to his car without someone rushing up to him. Last year, he had to have the cops come when he was out to dinner and a fan tried to attack him so he could have a lock of Carson's hair. It was insane."
"Seriously?" Ky's stomach turned at the thought of Carson being hurt. "I know he said he hated that he felt like he always had to be on guard, but I didn't know it got that bad."
"It's not always. This was just some crazy girl, but it was enough to make us all realize we have to be very careful, and as much as we hate security following the band around, they're there for a reason."
"Yeah, the few times we've been in public, he's very cautious. It has to suck." Ky wiped his mouth. "That was the best corn dog I've ever had."
Kylie laughed. "I told you." She gathered her trash. "So, I think we've done enough damage today. Any more and we won't be able to carry it all. How about we go get those haircuts, then head back to the hotel? Maybe we can talk Carson and the others into going out to dinner somewhere."
Relieved to be done with shopping, Ky nodded. "That sounds great. I honestly didn't plan on getting so much. You're a bad influence."
"When you see the way Carson looks at you in those clothes, you'll forgive me. Trust me. I know what he likes. I'll be lucky to talk him into dinner because he'll be too busy molesting you in the hotel room all night."
Ky blushed.
"Don't be embarrassed. Carson and I are good friends. I know how he feels about you. He's scared you don't feel the same way."
Ky was shocked. "When did you talk to him?"
"When you napped on the plane this morning. Seriously, Ky, he's head over heels for you. I know it must feel so unreal to you being with him, but don't doubt what he feels. I've never seen him like this with anyone else. He'd give you the world if you let him."
"I don't want the world."
"And that's exactly why he'd give it to you. Do you know how many guys have tried to use him? They only want his money or what his fame can bring them. Other men wouldn't think for a minute about going shopping and spending thousands. You've hesitated at even a ten-dollar belt. You're good for him, Ky. Don't be scared to love him."
Ky bit his lip and ducked his head. Love was something he didn't think about often. He loved his brother, and probably in a way Angel and his other closer friends, but to love another man. To love someone the way that Kylie was talking was something Ky never dared dream of. But as he thought about what his feelings for Carson were becoming, he realized that it wasn't such a crazy thought anymore. He was falling for Carson. He wasn't sure it was love, at least not in the sense that Kylie was talking, but it could be if given the chance. The thing was, did he dare give it that chance?
He still had Bryan to think about. He really needed to tell Carson about him, but he was so worried he'd send him home to be with his brother if he knew about him. And what if Carson wasn't willing to accept Bryan into his life as well? Bryan was only ten. That meant that it would be years before he was on his own. Bryan was part of the package, and he wasn't sure that Carson would want to take on being a big brother or even a parental figure to Bryan. It was the one thing keeping Ky from giving himself completely to Carson. What would happen if Carson didn't want Bryan? Ky didn't want to think about the pain that would come from watching Carson walk away.
"You don't love him?" Kylie looked concerned.
"No, it's not that. I do care about him a lot. I don't know if it's love yet, but I do care. It's just sometimes I think about who he is, and then think about who I am, and wonder why he picked me. I mean, I told you about my past. I have nothing to offer him."
"You must or he wouldn't have you here with him. Carson's not the kind of guy to waste time on something he doesn't want. He wants you. I know you look at your past and only see negative stuff, but from someone else looking at it, like me, I see someone who was made to survive. Someone who is strong enough to face the worst the world has to offer and get through it. You were fifteen when you hit the streets. You're still here today. The fact you lived through all that, made it through everything you've had to face, and now have an apartment and a job shows that you are a fighter." Kylie grabbed her bags from under the table. "Carson the singer can overwhelm people, but you have Carson the man. Don't get caught up in what he does for a living. It's just a job. Focus on the man. The one who holds you at night. The one who has bad breath in the mornings. The real man behind the performer. So he makes more at work than you do, that shouldn't be a big deal. Don't give up on him because you're scared. I think if you both try, it could really work out between you two. I know you've got my vote." Kylie stood. "Now let's go get our hair cut so we can get back and show you off."
Ky grabbed his bags, thinking about everything Kylie said. He wasn't going to deny his feelings for Carson, but he needed to be on guard. Sooner or later he had to tell him about Bryan, and until then, he needed to remember, this could all end just as easily as it started.
