Page 55 of As I Am
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Ky woke to Carson climbing out of bed. They'd come back the night before from the concert, and gone almost directly to bed. It was odd since Carson seldom slept right after a show. He usually needed a few hours to relax and let the excess energy go after performing.
Ky didn't question it. It was the last show, and if Carson was tired, that was understandable. He'd done several interviews earlier in the day on top of the sound check. They'd barely had a minute to relax.
Still, as Carson made his way to the bathroom, Ky couldn't knock the feeling that something was wrong. Carson had been unusually quiet and he'd also rolled over when they went to bed, not holding Ky in his arms like he usually did.
He was probably just being paranoid. With the end of the tour and Ky headed back to his old life, things were bound to change. He just hoped that everything they'd planned was true and Carson was coming home with him, and was going to stay in Salt Lake with him instead of going home to California.
Ky was nervous. The first thing he had to do when they got home was tell Carson about Bryan. He'd tried so many times before, but the words never came. The moment was never right. Now, he hoped he hadn't waited too long.
There was a good chance that Carson wouldn't want a young boy tagging along with them all the time, and Ky understood that, but losing Carson would hurt more than anything else he'd ever faced if he decided to leave.
When he talked about the future together, he talked about travel and doing all kinds of things that Ky wouldn't be able to do with Bryan around. Yeah, he could get Angel and Matt to babysit, but he'd really used up his favors by asking them to take him over the last three weeks. He couldn't brush Bryan off on them all the time, even more, he didn't want to. He missed his brother something fierce. After being together all the time, three weeks felt like an eternity.
Ky sat up, stretching his arms over his head, trying to force the sleep from his brain as he tried to remember what time they had to leave for the airport. He was excited to be going home, but he was scared to death of what might come next. He planned on telling Carson about Bryan on the flight home, then seeing if he wanted to meet him once they landed.
His two biggest fears were that Carson would be upset he hadn't told him about Bryan sooner, and that he wouldn't want a child included in their future together. No matter what happened, he'd know by the end of the day if he had a future with Carson or not. He hoped like crazy that he did.
Carson walked out of the bathroom, giving Ky a quick glance, then turned to the closet. "We leave in an hour. Make sure you're packed and we haven't left anything behind." Carson started to pull clothes out and set them on the bed.
Ky frowned. It wasn't like Carson to not crawl back into bed for a few minutes and kiss him good morning. In fact, it was the first time ever that Carson hadn't lounged with him in bed and talked.
"I think I got most of it last night, but I'll double check." Ky stood and stumbled into the bathroom, shutting the door a little harder than he meant to.
Was this how it was going to be now that they were headed back? Was Carson playing him, and now that the three weeks were over, he didn't want any more? It wasn't his imagination. Carson could hardly look at him. Could all the talk about the future have been lies just to make Ky feel like he was important while they were on tour? His gut told him no, but Carson's attitude kept him wondering.
Once he finished in the bathroom, he headed back out to the bedroom, but found Carson gone. His bags were packed, sitting at the foot of the bed. Unusual for Carson as he usually took forever getting his things ready.
Ky finished packing his own bags, which he now had three. A big change from the backpack he'd started with. Carson had spoiled him, and as much as he hated it, it was nice to have new clothes, even stylish clothes. They helped build his confidence and not feel like such an embarrassment to Carson when they were out together. As much as he hated someone buying him stuff, the new clothes would be perfect for his new job.
Ky hauled his bags out of the bedroom and put them by the front door, finding Carson standing in the living room, staring out the window. "Do you want me to help you bring your bags out?"
Carson didn't turn to look at him. "I can get them. Breakfast is on the way up. Hope you don't mind, I ordered for you."
"Not at all. You know what I like." Ky walked over and stood beside Carson at the window. "Is something wrong?"
"No, I just want to get out of here. I'm glad this part of the tour is over. I need a few days to unwind alone." He turned away and headed toward the bedroom. "Go ahead and eat without me."
A few seconds later, Ky heard the bathroom door close again.
He let out a long sigh, wondering how he could have missed the signs. It was clear now that Carson had no plans on seeing Ky once they got home. Originally, they were going to go house hunting together and spend as much time together as they could until Carson went back on tour. Now, with the time alone comment, Ky was sure that it was over. The question was, why? What changed? Had this been Carson's plan all along? Had he misread the looks, the touches, the words that had him falling in love with Carson over the last few weeks?
There was nothing he could do now. He needed to just get on that plane and get home. Once there, he would have the ten-thousand dollars to start a new life with. It was what the plan was all along. Still, it hurt to think that he wouldn't see Carson after this. If this really was over between them, he would almost prefer to refuse the money than to feel like Carson used him the whole time. Which didn't make sense, because wasn't that what other men had been doing to him for years? He was made to be used. It was all he knew.
The knock on the door tore him from his thoughts. He quickly checked who it was and had room service bring the food inside. He glanced at the plates they set out, realizing there was only enough for one. "Um, didn't they order for two?"
The waiter checked the ticket in his pocket. "No, just for one. Is there a mix-up?"
Ky's stomach turned. "No, I guess he's not eating. Thanks." He sat down after seeing the guy out, wondering what to do.
He was mad enough he wanted to confront Carson and find out why he was being like this. He could have waited until he dropped him off in Salt Lake, then just avoided him. It was like an extra twist of the knife in his heart to have him lay his cards down now, before they were even home.
His appetite was gone, but he picked at the food anyway, just to have something to do. In thirty minutes they'd be on the way to the airport, then a three-hour flight home and he could start trying to forget this whole thing. Problem was, that wasn't going to happen. Carson was a part of his life that he would never forget. The feelings he had for him weren't just going to fade away. Even now, as angry as he was at Carson for acting this way, he still loved him. Thankfully, he'd never told him that. He'd be an even bigger fool than he already was if Carson knew how he felt toward him.
Leaving the food forgotten, Ky got up and walked into the bedroom. Carson was sitting on the bed, his head in his hands. He didn't look up as Ky approached him.
"Are you okay?"
