Page 58 of As I Am
"Fuck you, Carson." Ky turned and walked to the other end of the plane sitting down, staring out the window.
Even from the distance, Carson saw tears in Ky's eyes.
Could what he said be true? Had it all been a misunderstanding? He watched as Ky swiped at the tears on his cheeks. He hated seeing him cry, but he still didn't have the answers he needed. He knew what he heard.
Carson slumped down in the seat beside him, trying to work through everything Ky had said. None of it made sense. He didn't have a right to be as mad as he was, not without explaining himself to him. If there wasn't someone else, then what the hell had he heard? Maybe he'd been wrong to say some of the things he did to Ky, but hell, what was he supposed to say? He was hurt, he was angry, and he wanted answers that Ky wasn't giving him. He deserved to know what was going on.
He sat in silence for almost an hour before Ky stood and came to where he was. He glanced up, looking into the eyes that had stolen his heart, waiting to hear what he had to say.
"I admit I've handled things badly. There are things I should have told you that I didn't. It's too late to go back and change that now. I guess I would have thought the same thing if I'd heard you say the things on the phone that you heard me say. I can try to explain it all, but it really is easier if I show you. I beg you, please, when we get back to Salt Lake, go with me and you'll understand everything. I don't want to lose you, Carson. I was never using you. Whatever we both feel started that first day at the hotel when we met and has only gotten stronger since. If we matter to you at all, give me the chance to explain by showing you what I have been keeping from you."
"Why can't you just tell me?" Carson gripped the arm of his seat so hard his fingers ached.
"Because I want you to see. If I try to explain, it won't be the same as you seeing first hand. I don't want to lose you. It would kill me. I've never felt for anyone what I do for you. Be mad at me if you want, but at least give me, give us, the chance to see this through to the end. Take me home and see for yourself that I wasn't lying to you. And maybe a little because I'm pissed off you would imply some of the things you did. You of all people have never made me feel like a whore, but some of those last comments you made had me feeling dirtier than I've ever felt before."
Carson gritted his teeth, closing his eyes as he remembered what he said. "I'm sorry I said that to you."
"I'm sorry you said it too." Ky walked back to the seat at the other end of the plane, leaving Carson alone.
Carson watched him for a long time as he tried to decide what to do. It made no sense that Ky would ask him to go home with him if there was another guy, but it could also be a setup, a way to try and blackmail more money from him.
He shook his head. That wasn't Ky. Even with what he'd heard on the phone, he was sure Ky wasn't the kind of guy to play dirty that way. Ky might have fooled him, but they'd spent enough time together, he was sure Ky would never do anything like that.
He sighed as he stood and grabbed a bottle of water that was sitting next to a plate of snacks. As he twisted the lid off, he decided he would give Ky one chance. If it all blew up in his face, he would go home, and use this as a reminder to never fall in love again.
