Page 8 of As I Am
CHAPTER FIVE
Carson turned down the radio as he headed into the city. Traffic was bad, but that was expected early on a weekday. Still, he found himself impatient as he had to wait through two lights to make a turn onto State Street.
He had a restless night, thinking about everything going on in his life. He had a little over a week left before he had to return home and get ready for the next leg of his tour. He loved singing and performing, but being on the road all the time got to him. It wasn't like he got to enjoy the places he went. He couldn't go out and explore and sight-see everything. He was either stuck on the tour bus, in a hotel, or in the arena before the show.
He was lucky enough to make enough money he did get to travel by air. He wasn't stuck on the tour bus, driving city to city like the rest of his band and crew did. Still, it was a rush from the airport to the arena, or to a hotel, then to the arena.
Staying with his parents was nice, but he would head home a few days before the tour started. He really didn't like living in California. When he first made it big, he figured it made sense. That was where his recording studio was. It was where his manager lived. Hell, it was where all the big stars lived, and he thought it was the thing to do. Now that he had a few more miles under his belt, he was reevaluating everything. He didn't need to be there. He could fly in for things when he had to, but he wasn't sure coming back home to Utah was what he wanted either. Maybe if he had more friends around or any kind of social life, it might be worth it, but he didn't. It was his parents and a few odd relatives.
He pushed the thoughts aside as he turned into the area he was hoping to find Ky. He'd thought about the guy way too much over the last few days. This was a disaster waiting to happen. He was all too aware that he couldn't be picking guys up off the street, but there was something about Ky. He wanted just one more day with him before he had to head back on tour. Once on tour, he'd go back to picking a random fan out of the mix to take back to the hotel room when he got an itch.
He wished that other guy hadn't recognized him the other day. He was sure that he would tell Ky who he was. That meant that Ky would probably be different. Everyone was different once they knew he was famous. Still, the sex was good, and Ky knew how to work his body. It would be worth a few hours of fun. His biggest fear was that Ky would go to the media and tell them everything. It was a big enough fear that he almost didn't follow through on his plans, but there was some odd pull to Ky that he just couldn't dismiss or ignore.
Just one more time.
He bit his lip as he slowed the car as he approached a group of guys standing together. As they noticed him, they turned, watching him with hopeful looks on their faces. Carson scanned over them, looking for the one person he wanted, but he didn't see him. He was nearly at the end of the alley when the guy he'd talked to before stepped out and waved at him.
Carson debated on ignoring him, but on the off chance that he had talked to Ky, he slowed the car to a stop.
"Hey." Seth came to his window. "Still looking for Ky?"
"I was hoping." Carson kept his head down, hoping the brim of the baseball cap hid his face from the others.
"Yeah, I talked to him yesterday. He said to tell you he was sorry he couldn't make it. I'm happy to assist you in your needs though." Seth ran his fingers through his dirty blond hair as he straightened as if showing off what he had to offer.
Carson smiled. "Thanks, but like I said, I was just hoping to talk to him again. I appreciate you giving me the message." He handed another twenty to Seth before slowly driving off.
He hated the disappointment he felt. It was just sex. Good sex, but still just sex. Still, as he pulled out on the main road, he felt like he'd missed out on something more. He couldn't blame Ky for not showing up. He had his own life, probably plenty of other customers. Carson shouldn't think just because he felt an attachment to Ky, that he'd feel the same. Ky had probably just been doing his job. He would have learned over the years what people want, and was good at giving it to them. That was probably all that Carson was feeling. Ky was good at reading him.
Still, he was let down. He'd been looking forward to spending a few hours with Ky again. It wasn't just for the sex, even though that was a big part of it.
Carson turned back up the radio and tried not to think about what a loser he was. Here he was able to have his pick of almost any gay man he wanted, and yet, the one he couldn't have, the one he wanted most, was some young street hustler who made a living having sex.
He was about to turn onto the freeway when he happened to glance at the small park on the corner of the street when his breath caught. Ky was standing beside a large tree, talking to some older woman. The woman was clearly homeless. The shopping cart stacked full of odd items was his first indicator. He didn't focus much on her as he quickly steered his truck out of traffic and found a parking spot at the edge of the park.
He sat there for several moments watching Ky and the woman talk, trying to decide if he should call out to him or just leave. Clearly, if Ky wanted to see him again, he would have been waiting in the alley.
Carson smiled, remembering the feel of Ky's soft skin under his hand. He'd never forgive himself if he drove away and didn't try one more time to spend some time with Ky. Carefully looking around to make sure there weren't too many people who might recognize him, he slowly climbed out of the truck. He stood near the front bumper for a few minutes, just watching Ky as he laughed at something the woman said.
He wasn't the most beautiful man he'd ever seen, but Ky had a natural beauty. His light brown hair was thick, and though cut short, it fell in waves over his head. His eyes brightened, even at a distance, when he laughed.
Ky must have felt someone watching him, because he glanced up, pausing mid-conversation when he saw Carson standing there.
Carson smiled and lifted his hand in greeting, debating if he should approach or let Ky come to him.
Ky solved the issue when he said something to the woman before starting to walk to where Carson was standing.
"Hi." Carson shoved his hands in his front jean pockets. "I know this must look like I'm stalking you, but I just happened to see you as I was about to get on the freeway."
Ky nodded. "You talked to Seth?"
"I did."
"He would have gone with you."
"He wasn't the one I wanted."
Ky smiled, a slight blush working over his cheeks. "Sorry, I figured it was best this way."
