Page 29 of The Road Home
Jared sat down on the edge of the bed, still pale and if Orson wasn't mistaken, shaking.
"How did you know I love him?"
Love, not loved. Orson took a deep breath, unsure what to say. He'd never seen Jared act like this. "I wasn't sure, but the way you two are looking at each other in the photo, then the look on your face when you looked at it. I just guessed." He took a step closer to Jared. "He was your boyfriend? You're gay?"
Jared slowly raised his gaze to him, but didn't say anything. There was a look of almost fear in his eyes as he stared at Orson.
Unsure if he'd said or done something wrong, Orson didn't know what to do. Something was going on with Jared, but he had no clue what it was. "I didn't mean to invade your personal life." Orson took a step back, wondering if he should just leave Jared alone or if he needed to make sure he was okay. "I'm sorry."
"No, please." Jared's voice cracked.
"Jared?" Orson dropped his bag to the floor as he kneeled in front of Jared. "What's wrong? What did I say?"
Jared shook his head.
"Can I get you some water or something. You're shaking. Are you sick?"
The sudden laughter from Jared caught him off guard. "I'm fucked up. That's what I am." Jared arched his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Shit. I can't believe this."
Orson stared at him, totally lost. Jared was one of the most keep it together kind of guys he'd met, but suddenly, he looked on the verge of tears. "You're not fucked up."
Jared shook his head. "You don't know me. If you knew me, you'd think different."
"You've helped me, offered me a job, food, even helped me last night when shit went bad for Harry. I don't understand what's going on."
Jared took another deep breath as he stared directly at Orson. "I've never said it."
"What?"
"I've never said the words. I've never admitted it to anyone."
"What haven't you admitted?" Orson was trying to follow what Jared was saying but was lost.
"What you said about me. I don't know how you knew." Jared ran his hands down the legs of his jeans. "You knew."
Thinking back to everything he'd said, Orson finally understood. "Do you mean you've never told anyone that you're gay?"
Jared nodded.
"Okay." Orson was shocked. Why would a good-looking man who had a perfect life feel the need to hide that part of himself from the world? And even more strange, why was he suddenly telling him? "It's okay. I'm not going to tell anyone. You know I won't judge you."
"You should." Jared bowed his head, staring down at the floor.
"Why?"
Jared shook his head.
"I don't understand." Orson reached out and placed his hand on Jared's knee. "Are you okay?"
The touch seemed to draw Jared out of whatever trance he was in. He sat up straighter and again took a long breath. "Listen, I have a lot to explain. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, but since it has…" He shook his head. "Listen, I need to think, but I want to explain everything to you. I need to say it to someone. It's just going to take more time than we have. Will you come home with me after work tonight and we can talk?" Jared finally raised his gaze back to Orson's.
"Sure, but are you okay?" Orson didn't like seeing Jared so uneasy.
"Yeah, I'm okay. I've just been hiding a long time. The last thing I thought I would do today was admit to someone…" He laughed. "See, I can't even say it out loud."
"It's okay. You don't have to say it. I'm not going to tell anyone. Of course, you can talk to me about it whenever you want. If you want to do it tonight, I'll listen." Orson gave Jared's knee a squeeze. "It's going to be okay. I promise."
Jared nodded. "Thanks, just give me a little time to think about things. We can talk after I get off work. Go get your shower, then we can eat. It's probably best to save this for when we aren't rushed."
Orson nodded and stood, turning to pick up his backpack from the floor. "I'll hurry." He decided it was best to act like nothing had happened until Jared was ready to discuss it all.
Going into the bathroom, he shut the door, taking a moment to replay everything that had happened. The last thing he'd expected was that Jared was gay. He was usually pretty good about reading people, but he'd missed it completely with Jared. Curious, but knowing he needed to let Jared talk about it in his own time and way, Orson quickly undressed and jumped in the shower. One thing was for sure, he was looking forward to tonight, when he would hopefully find out what had Jared so upset and why he'd been hiding all these years.
