Page 30 of The Road Home
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jared tossed the pen down on the desk, more than ready to go home. The night had been busier than usual, but that had been a good thing as it kept his mind off the conversation he'd promised to have with Orson when he got home.
It pissed him off that he'd suddenly had the reaction he did when Orson had said he'd loved Daryl. It had caught him off guard and somehow triggered years of emotions that he'd kept locked away. Hearing someone else say it out loud for the first time hit him hard. He'd nearly cried at the memory of how close the two of them had been.
Once he realized his reaction, denying it seemed pointless, and honestly, maybe a small part of him finally wanted someone to know. Orson was safe. He wasn't someone who could hurt him by casting him aside or harassing him at work. Okay, that wasn't true, Orson could hurt him, and he feared that once Orson heard the full story of why he had spent a lifetime hiding, he would walk away, leaving Jared to face how weak he was compared to Orson, who'd come out to his parents and given up everything to be who he was. Orson would see what a failure he really was and how scared and weak he'd been.
He'd promised himself he wouldn't back out. He was going to tell Orson everything. If that meant Orson hated him after, then so be it. He needed to get it off his chest, and even if he went right back to hiding after, he at least had taken the step of telling one person.
He glanced at the clock, seeing it was nearly eleven. He'd hoped to have time during his shift to sneak upstairs and check on Orson as he sat beside Harry's bed, but it had been too busy. He wished he'd thought to give Orson some money to at least get dinner, but he hadn't even thought about it until halfway through his shift when he couldn't get away.
It was probably for the best. He hadn't had a chance to eat either, so they could grab something once they got home. Maybe eating while they talked would make it easier for Jared to say everything he needed to.
"Cam, I'm cutting out a few minutes early. Are you okay?" He glanced over the desk at Cameron, hoping there wasn't a last-minute rush to keep him around.
"Go ahead. Jane just got in, and Kent is already in exam one with a patient. I'll hang out until the others show." Cameron narrowed his eyes. "Are you okay tonight? You seemed a bit off?"
"Just tired. I didn't sleep well," Jared lied.
"Then go home and rest." Cameron tossed a gum wrapper at him. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Thanks." Jared tossed the wrapper he'd caught into the trash by his feet before pushing up and heading down the hallway.
It took him only a few minutes to make it upstairs. He paused in the doorway, finding Orson with his head on Harry's bed, sound asleep.
He took a minute to watch him, seeing him without his guard up. He looked so peaceful and content as he slept. No one would know by looking at him that his life was such a mess. No one would know that he was hungry and slept on the ground night after night.
Jared smiled, remembering how Orson had been so embarrassed when he'd climbed out of bed in his boxers earlier in the day. Even though Jared had blown it off like it wasn't a big deal, he hadn't been looking at Orson as a patient this time. He'd allowed his gaze to roam over his body in a very unprofessional way, and for a moment, imagined what it might be like to hold him tightly against his own.
Ready to go home, Jared stepped into the room, taking a moment to check on Harry before he gently laid his hand on Orson's back. "Orson?"
Orson stirred, sitting up slowly as he looked up at Jared. "Hey." He stretched. "Sorry, didn't realize I'd fallen asleep."
"It's okay. How is he?" Jared turned one of the IV bags to read the label.
"No change. The nurse said he's doing better, but I don't see anything different."
"His vitals are more stable than last night, and the swelling is going down. They've scheduled a few more tests for in the morning. Hopefully, it will tell us why he isn't waking up." Jared rested a hand on Orson's shoulder. "The good thing about him being unconscious is it will give the rest of him a chance to heal."
Orson nodded. "I'm just scared he won't wake up."
"Give him time. He went through a lot."
"I was thinking about that. Maybe he went away while it was happening and forgot to come back." Orson reached over, readjusting one of the tubes on the bed.
"What do you mean?" Jared asked, not understanding. "Went away?"
Orson shrugged. "It's what I do when it happens. I just sort of let my brain wander and go somewhere else. I don't feel the pain or anything when I do that. It's kinda like I disconnect with myself. I go somewhere else in my mind."
"Shit." Jared wrapped his arms around Orson's shoulders, unable to keep from comforting him. It killed him to think how bad things would have to be for someone to have to find a way to mentally withdraw from what was physically happening to them. "I'm so sorry you ever had to go through any of that."
"It's not your fault." Orson leaned his head against Jared's forearm, seemingly accepting the comfort. "Do you think it's possible that could have happened? Could someone get lost in their own mind and not be able or not want to come back?"
He'd read cases of it in medical journals, but he really had no idea how to answer Orson's question. "I don't know. Maybe we can have a psychologist come in tomorrow and you can talk to them about it? See if that's possible?"
"Yeah, if it might help him." Orson sighed. "We can go now." He started to stand.
Jared moved back, letting go of Orson. "You sure? I can wait if you need more time."
