Page 55 of The Road Home
Jared sighed. "I don't know what to do here, Orson. I want to help you, but if I'm freaking you out more, I should go."
"No, don't go." Orson took several more breaths as he tried to pull himself out of the post-dream cloudiness. "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay." He repeated it several times like a mantra he was trying to convince himself of.
"Yes, you are okay. I won't leave you. I'll stay as long as you need me." Jared leaned back against the closet doors.
Orson wiped at his eyes again, still struggling to catch his breath. He glanced over at Jared and sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. You did nothing wrong."
Orson shook his head. "I thought you were…"
"It doesn't matter. I know you don't think that about me. You were dreaming. Your mind was somewhere else."
Orson nodded.
"Are you okay?"
"No." Tears filled Orson's eyes again.
"Can I hold you?" Jared got back up on his knees.
Orson nodded.
Slowly, Jared moved to him, slipping to his side before pulling Orson onto his lap. "It's okay. No one can hurt you here."
"I know, but I was dreaming I was out there." Orson took advantage of the comfort as he leaned his head against Jared's chest, his body still shaking. He was glad Jared didn't wrap his arms around him, but just settled them on his legs instead. He couldn't handle feeling trapped right then.
"Let me look." Jared gently tipped Orson's head back, his fingers brushing gently over the wound on his head.
"Bad?" Orson asked, his voice breaking as another sob hit him.
"No, not bad. I'll put a steristrip on it once you've relaxed. It's almost stopped bleeding already." Jared kissed the top of Orson's head. "You'll have a good bruise and a headache for a while."
"I thought someone was holding me down."
"You had the blankets wrapped around you. I think that's why you felt that way."
"I'm sorry I woke you."
"I'd rather you woke me than for you to try and handle this alone. I don't know if I make it worse when I wake you, but I can't stand the thought of you staying in that dream longer."
"I want you to wake me." Orson glanced up at him. "It gets worse if I don't wake up." He sighed before leaning back against Jared's chest again. He listened to Jared's heartbeat, letting it calm him with its steady pace. Slowly, he started to relax, his body leaning harder against Jared's.
"What can I do for you?" Jared asked softly as he brushed a strand of hair back from Orson's forehead.
"You're doing it. It helps to have you here." He closed his eyes, hating how much he liked being held and how much it helped to bring him back from the panic he'd been in.
"I wish I could keep them from happening." Jared kissed his head again.
"Nothing stops them. I don't know why they happen. I wasn't thinking about that at all today. I was thinking about the job, about dinner."
"Nervous about the job?"
Happy to talk about something else, Orson shook his head. "No, not so much now that we walked through the gym. That helped a lot, and I like Richard. He'll be a good boss." He looked forward to having something to do every day, and money coming in he could save or buy what he needed. He was tired of begging or living off the goodness of others.
"I'm glad you're not nervous." Jared again brushed the hair back from Orson's forehead. "Will you let me clean this up? You've got blood smeared all over your face."
"Yeah." Orson slowly moved and started to stand.
