Page 76 of The Road Home
"Bring your roommate if you want. I'll grab some steaks or something and we can grill." Cameron grinned.
Jared tensed at the teasing look Cameron gave him when he mentioned bringing Orson. "I'll see if he wants to." He took a deep breath. He really needed to start being honest with people. Cameron was his friend, and now that he knew he was gay, he would be a safe and logical person to come out to. His stomach knotted as he glanced over at Cameron. "You know what?" He pushed off from the wall, scared to death to say what he wanted to. "Shit...."
"Dude, what's up? Did I say something wrong?" Cameron asked.
"No, it's just that…" Jared stopped several feet away. "I'm… I mean Orson and I are…" He ran his hand over his face. "Fuck, why can't I just say it?" He shook his head before raising his gaze to Cameron's hoping he understood. "I'm…" Another deep breath as he fisted his hands at his side. "I'm gay."
Cameron smiled. "I figured that had to be it. I saw the way you glared at me when I asked about Orson. I wasn't sure, but I figured that had to be it. So, the two of you are together?"
Jared nodded, his pulse racing. He moved to the chair by the bench and sat down. "Fuck, you're the first person I've told. The first person other than Orson who knows I'm…" Again, he wiped his hand over his face.
"You're coming out?" Cameron's voice had lost the teasing tone and was now softer and serious.
Jared nodded.
"Well fuck." Cameron shook his head. "I didn't expect that. I mean that you weren't out. I'm not shocked you're gay. I mean I saw the way you were with Orson when he was at the hospital with you while his friend was there, but I just figured you were like me and didn't bring it up. I had no idea you weren't out to anyone."
"You must think I'm an idiot."
"What the hell? Of course not. I get it. I was twenty before I really told anyone close to me. I mean guys at school knew, but not my family or even some of my closest friends. It's not easy for a lot of us. It's okay, you know that, right? I'm not one to judge and I sure the hell won't tell anyone."
Jared nodded. "It was easier after learning you were gay too, but everyone else…" He sighed. "Orson's out, and I keep thinking he deserves someone better than me. Someone who can take him out. Do things in public with him. Someone who isn't hiding."
Cameron leaned against the bench. "I can't speak to what Orson wants, but I'm guessing if he's with you, he wants to be there. He knows what he's getting into."
"He does, but is it fair?" Jared glanced over at Cameron. "Maybe he'd be better off with someone like you."
"That's crazy. I've watched you two together. I hate to tell you, but the way you two look at each other, and touch each other in public, it's pretty clear there is something going on between you two. Hearing you're gay isn't a big shock."
Jared's eyes went wide. "What do you mean how we touch?"
"You always touch him. A hand on his back, an arm around his shoulder."
"I thought I was being supportive."
Cameron laughed. "You didn't hug me when my mom was sick, and you were showing me support."
Jared thought about it. He didn't touch others at all, but Cameron was right, he always touched Orson. It wasn't something he thought about. He just needed to touch him, be close to him. "So, everyone knows?"
"I don't know that many have ever given it a thought, but I doubt they'd be shocked to learn you are." Cameron smiled. "I've never had someone come out to me."
Jared snorted. "I hadn't planned to until you started talking about making a move on my boyfriend."
"I didn't mean to force you into coming out."
"I needed to. Orson's been telling me I need to start with my friends and go from there, but I was so scared. It's stupid, I know. I'm a thirty-year-old man scared to come out, but I've hidden for so long…."
"It's not stupid. There are a lot of men who aren't out. We all have our own time to come out. Hell, I'm sure many never do. I get it. It's easier now than it used to be, but you and I both see what can happen to some people. It's still risky." Cameron turned to stare directly at Jared. "But you know what? It's worth it. It's worth being able to be yourself for a change. Hiding eats you up inside. I felt like I was going to blow. I'd go home and have to put on a mask, be someone I wasn't. My mom would ask when I was going to marry a sweet girl. It killed me to keep it from them."
"She knows now?"
"Yep. I told them when I was twenty. Went home for Christmas and told my mom and dad. I was ready for them to kick me out. I planned on having to head back to my dorm room and hide the rest of Christmas vacation, but they surprised me. My dad was a little more stunned than my mom, but we talked about everything. I don't know that they were happy, but they didn't kick me out. It never came up again other than now my mom asks me when I'll settle down with a sweet man instead of a sweet girl."
Jared laughed, but then got serious. "You're not scared to go out in public holding hands or kissing?"
"No, but then I'm not one for huge public displays of affection. I'll hold hands, maybe share a quick kiss, but I'm not one of these make-out in the booth at the diner kind of guys. I've never had anyone say anything when I'm out with a guy. Sure, we've gotten looks, but no one has attacked or even called us names. I'm sure it happens, in fact, being an E.R. doctor, I know it does, but it's rare."
"I have to do it. Orson chose to live on the streets instead of hiding who he was. His parents kicked him out because he wouldn't deny it. I feel like such a fool for being scared after all he's faced to stand up for who he is."
