Page 29 of Pain
"Yeah, I'm going to have a few beers with Matt while I wait for your call."
Dyson glanced at Xander's hand, but didn't say anything about it. "Be careful with him, Xan, he's not in a good place right now."
Xander narrowed his eyes at him. "What do you think I'm going to do? Fuck, Dy, give me some credit. Besides, it's not like that."
Dyson raised a brow.
"He was married, remember? To a woman." Xander shook his head. "He's not even my type, besides, I'd never take advantage of anyone going through what he is. You should know that about me." He couldn't believe his best friend would have to issue a warning like that to him.
"I know, Xan, but just be careful, okay? He's different."
Xander rolled his eyes, letting the comment go before he lost his temper again. "Be safe tonight, okay? I don't want to have to go alone to get that tattoo."
"I'm making our appointment first thing in the morning." Dyson held Xander's hard stare. "I'll be safe. I promise."
Xander gave a final nod. "Tell Matt I'm at the car." Going through with a sting without a few days of planning wasn't what they liked to do, but he was glad the whole team agreed they couldn't wait on this one. It meant more danger, and he hated not being there to back Dyson and Kasey up, but he trusted them to know what they were doing. With a look that said silently everything they needed to, Xander turned and headed out the door.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Matt handed a beer to Xander and nodded to the backyard. "You can smoke if we sit outside."
"Thanks. Most of my friends would sit inside just so I couldn't."
Matt laughed as he pushed open the sliding glass door and stepped out into the backyard. "I'm not going to tell you what you can or can't do. You know the risks. I figure with what you do for a living, if smoking is the worst habit you have, then you're doing pretty good." He gestured to a few chairs. "Sorry it's not more comfortable." He pulled an old flower pot over that was filled with dirt and a dead something or other he'd probably forgotten to water. "You can use this as an ashtray."
"It's a nice yard. Bigger than it looks from inside."
Matt sat down, swallowing back the emotion as he stared at the large swing set that Faith used to swing on. "I always planned to do something nice back here, but I worked a lot, and Faith and her friends were the only ones to really come out here."
"I bet she's an amazing girl."
Matt bit his lip for a second, then took a hard breath. "She is. I wish you could meet her."
"I hope I get to." Xander smiled.
"I like that you don't talk like the others. They would have said shewasan amazing girl, you saidis. It helps, even if people don't think so."
"Until we hear differently, she is alive, and she is coming home." Xander pulled a cigarette out and lit it. "I know it's hard, but I've seen a lot of kids returned home doing what I do. Not all these stories have unhappy endings."
"But many do, and I know that. I try to stay positive, but it can be hard. It helps to have other positive people around." Matt watched a butterfly land on the swing set, smiling as he imagined Faith trying to catch it. "My mom and sister try, but they are more worried about me right now. I get it, I really do, but I wish they wouldn't treat me like I should get used to her being gone. I don't want to get used to her being gone. If I accept that it's a permanent thing, then I've given up on her."
"Don't ever give up. There is always hope." Xander gestured to the swing. "It's good to come out here and remember things, even plan things for when she gets back. There is absolutely nothing wrong with believing."
"Are you so different from everyone else because of what you do?"
"I don't know, maybe some of it. I've always been a tell it like it is kinda guy. I hate beating around the bush, I hate walking on eggshells. People aren't stupid. They know the truth. We don't need to treat them with kid gloves all the time. I figure if people can't stand how I am, then they can fuck off. I'm happy, and I'm not changing for anyone."
"Probably why you're single too?" Matt grinned.
"Ah, maybe, but honestly, I don't do well in relationships. They are filled with expectations and promises neither can honestly keep. If I could find someone that could let me go on just being me and not try to change me, then I might give one a try. For now, a simple one-night-stand here and there is good enough for me."
"What about you and Dyson. You seem close."
"Dy and I served in the Army together. He was disowned by his family when he came out. He joined the military to escape. When I came home, I invited him to come with me. He followed a few months later. We've been best friends ever since."
"Ah, I thought maybe it was more."
"No, it never will be. We're better friends. Honestly, we're probably too much alike to ever make anything more work. What about you? Were you seeing anyone before all this happened?"
