Page 30 of Pain
Matt frowned. "No, I've dated a few people since Jill died, but it was always awkward for me. I felt like I was hurting Faith by making her think I was trying to replace her mom. I know that wasn't how it really is, but the thought always kept me from letting anything get serious. I hoped as she got older she might understand better and I could try again, but now, well, when she comes home, she'll be my only focus."
"As it should be for a while, but don't let yourself stop living too."
"You've seen kids after they've been kidnapped, right?"
"Actually, no. We never see the kids. When we go in and there are kids in the house, we make sure the police know where to find them, but with what we do, it's best if we don't have any contact with the children. We leave that for the police and those who are trained to handle more delicate situations. Leaving them behind to wait for the authorities is the hardest thing we have to do, but it's for the best. I'm sure having me walk in would scare them a hell of a lot more than seeing a cop come in." Xander put his cigarette out in the flower pot, then took a long drink of his beer.
"Probably true, but do you know how the kids are after? What happens?"
"No, we read the papers and see the news, but we don't follow up. If you're asking if they are okay? I think in time most of them will be, but it takes a while. Each child will deal with it in a different way."
"I'm just trying to figure out what happens when Faith comes home. If she's been…" He couldn't say the words. "You know, if she's hurting, I don't know how to help her."
Xander nodded. "If she needs help, there are plenty of people trained to do that. I'm not sure if Bryon brought it up, but our team has a lady we all have to see every three months. She knows what we do. Bryon likes to make sure the job isn't getting to us. You'll have to see her too. I know she deals with children as well. If Faith needs help, we'll make sure she gets it."
"I wasn't sure if meeting you guys was a blessing or not, but so far, it's helped me more than I probably ever will help the team. Even my best friend, Jason, won't sit out here and talk about things like this with me. I bring up the future and he says things like I should wait and see if she comes home first. It's so hard when all I need is for him to be understanding and supportive. Even my sister, there is so much I don't feel I can say to her. Talking with you, I don't feel as if I have to hold anything back. You aren't going to judge me for holding out hope or planning what I'm going to do once she comes through the front door again."
"I guess everyone deals with things differently, but being her father, her only parent, only you can understand what you feel. It's not right or wrong. I'm glad the team and I can be there for you. Are you going to like working with the other geeks?" Xander grinned.
"Hell, I was like a kid in a candy store when I walked into that room. The systems they have set up are amazing. I thought only the government had stuff like that. Some of it I'd only heard of, never seen. It's going to be amazing learning how to use it all. I can't imagine the capabilities of it." Matt could have spent days in there exploring the programs they had on their computers. He had skills, but nothing like Carter did. A lot of it was he didn't have the programs they did, but even then, it was going to take a while for him to learn everything and catch up his skills to where the others were. "It's amazing what your team has done."
"It really is. Somehow, it's all come together. We work well together. You haven't met Beau or Kasey yet, but you'll like them too."
"What does Beau do?"
"He's a doctor. He's the one who makes sure we have what we need when we go in to take someone down. We drug them to keep them from being able to fight, then Kasey, Dyson, and I can do what we need to. The person still feels pain, still knows what is going on, watches the whole thing, but is unable to move."
"That's horrifying."
"Maybe, but you take a case like the one they are dealing with tonight, and somehow it seems justified."
Matt nodded. "At first, I wondered why you didn't just kill them, but the more I thought about it, the more I saw that suffering for the rest of their lives would be better. The kids don't get to escape the pain, so why should they?"
"That's the way I see it. When the group started, they didn't want to be murderers, but they wanted to make a statement, to scare others, and maybe make them think twice before they did anything to a child."
"Have you ever had anyone come after you?"
"I haven't, but I know Kasey had a problem a few years before I joined. I guess he was attacked at the scene of one of the stings. I don't know all the details, but there were more people there than they thought. He killed several before he could escape. It was after that, Bryon made the rule that we didn't rush into anything. We made sure we knew what and who we were dealing with before we jumped into action."
"That's why he was so angry with you tonight."
"That, and I was about to bring up something that we don't talk about. It's not my story to go into, but I stepped over a line I shouldn't have. The whole team knows not to bring it up. I spoke without thinking, my anger and emotions getting the best of me."
"That happen often?" Matt grinned.
Xander laughed. "That obvious?"
"You're a passionate man."
"I am about some things, others say I'm heartless. I shouldn't have gotten in Bryon's face the way I did. I'll apologize to him once the dust clears. We both needed time to calm down. I don't want you thinking we fight all the time. Honestly, it seldom happens, and usually only about what we are having for dinner when we meet."
"Another beer?" Matt stood, wanting another for himself. It was the most relaxed he'd been in a long time. He still couldn't stop thinking about Faith, but for once, he didn't feel like he was suffocating in grief or feel that he had to spend every minute on the computer searching.
"If you don't mind the company for another." Xander pulled out another cigarette.
"I'll be right back." Matt headed inside, pausing as he looked at his computer, wondering how he was going to survive if he wasn't able to search the dark web from home anymore. It was going to drive him nuts. At least Bryon had told him he could spend as much time at the team house as he wanted.
Being around others who weren't constantly consoling him about Faith was helping his mood. She was never far from his thoughts, but the heavy weight of not knowing where she was didn't feel as hard to handle.
