Page 43 of Pain
Xander raised a brow. "Perhaps I was just horny."
"If that was the case, you would have thrown me up against the wall the moment you walked in the door like you did the other day." Matt slid a hot cup of coffee to him. "You aren't subtle when you want sex."
Xander laughed. "I guess that's true."
"So, what happened tonight? Why are you here eating ice cream at one in the morning?" Matt took a bite of ice cream, but he never stopped staring at Xander as he ate.
Xander closed his eyes. He shouldn't talk about what he saw. The last thing he wanted was Matt worrying that Faith was going through the same thing. "It was just a hard sting. Things I didn't expect."
"He had a child with him, didn't he?"
Xander looked at Matt, not wanting to answer, but his silence must have answered for him.
"I was part of this case, Xan. I know what he was like, what he was looking for. I'm not as shocked as I wish I was. He's been looking for a girl for days, and from the evidence, he had one picked out. The photos of her increased in the last day or two."
Xander nodded. "I'm not sure if it was her, but he had a girl with him. I hate leaving kids behind. I fucking hate not being able to take them with me when I go."
"She was safe?"
"Injured, but safe. I watched until the police got there. It still doesn't help how I feel. I had to tell her the police would come. I had to leave her just as I found her. I couldn't risk evidence, risk outing the team. I couldn't risk not doing things by the book. I moved him out of the room, did what I was there to do, and left." Xander stirred the ice cream absently.
"You did the right thing. If you'd been caught, think of how many other kids you wouldn't be able to save. There are rules for a reason. You know she's safe now." Matt came closer to Xander, hooking an arm around his waist. "The evidence is more important."
"I hate when they see me. I mean I'm masked and scary looking. I only added to her fear."
"She saw you take the bad guy away, right? You said you moved him out of the room?"
"Yeah, I had to shoot him when he went for his gun, then I drugged him and pulled him out of the room after making sure she was okay."
"Then she should have known you weren't going to hurt her. You went after him. Hell, you shot him. That showed her you were trying to save her. You told her the police were coming."
"She was so scared." Xander straightened. "Fuck, you don't need to hear all this. I shouldn't have come here."
"I'll be there with the team when you debrief tomorrow. I would have heard it all anyway."
"You shouldn't have to hear it all. Hell, you shouldn't even be doing what you're doing."
Matt shrugged. "I put myself in the middle of it. I was doing this before you guys came to me, remember? I know what is going on out there, and as hard as it is, I know what Faith is probably going through. I've cried myself to sleep more nights than I care to admit. It doesn't stop me from wanting to help. If I hadn't found this guy you visited tonight, that girl would still be there. She wouldn't have been saved, and there is no telling what he would have done once he needed to get rid of her. Because of what the team does, people are being saved. I just have to hope that Faith is strong enough to wait for us or someone else to find her."
"If she is anything like her father, she's strong enough to get through anything." Xander bumped his shoulder into Matt's. "Thanks for letting me come over. I just didn't want to go home and think about it all night."
"You're always welcome here."
"Even if it's not to throw you up against the wall and have my way with you?"
"Even then, though I won't complain if you come by just for that as well." Matt leaned in and kissed Xander's shoulder.
As they finished their ice cream, Xander tried not to think about how close he was becoming to Matt. This wasn't like him. He didn't do relationships, romance, he didn't need others in his life. After tonight, he could no longer tell himself he was here all the time for Matt. He'd come for his own needs this time, and that scared the hell out of him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Matt glanced at his watch, trying hard not to think about what was ahead for the rest of the day. The last thing he wanted was to spend the afternoon with his mom and sister, but he'd put it off long enough.
He hadn't seen his mom in person since the week Faith had gone missing and she'd blamed him for what had happened. He understood it was all because of the tension and fear they all shared, but her words cut deep. Should he have had someone walk Faith home from school? Was the half a block too far for a ten-year-old to walk alone? He still didn't think so. He refused to put blame on anyone other than the fucks who kidnapped his daughter.
He'd spent the first few weeks blaming himself, but the more he talked to other parents of missing kids, the more he saw that it wasn't his fault. Yes, there were things that could have been done, but honestly, it would have taken building a wall around his daughter to make sure she was never at risk. He'd heard other parents' stories, and so many of them proved that bad things could happen anytime and anywhere.
He grabbed his keys from the table and headed out the door, pausing when he saw an older woman coming up the walkway toward the house. He stepped down from the porch, meeting her. "Hi, can I help you?"
