Page 46 of Pain
All he could do is hold on to hope, remember that somewhere Faith was out there, and he needed to stay strong for her. Falling apart wouldn't help her. No matter what, he had to get through this. Even though his world was falling apart, he would act like he had it together, because there was no other way. If he didn't focus on finding Faith, no one else would.
By the time he arrived at his mother's house, he was ready to turn around and go back and insist that Bryon let him help in going through the information. It wasn't like he had to bring it to the team house. He could have gone through it on his own. The only reason he had brought it over was that the team had programs they could use that he didn't have. Government programs that he couldn't find anywhere else. He never asked how they got hold of the programs, but he was glad they had them to use. It gave them even more power to verify the information and find the people they needed to handle.
"Matt." Trish opened the door as he walked up the steps.
"Hey." He tried to smile, but the dread of walking into the house, not knowing what to expect was almost consuming. "What's the mood?"
"It's fine. Mom's happy that you're here." Trish stepped aside as he walked inside.
The smell of his mom's pot roast filled the house, and for a moment, he was a child again, coming home after soccer practice to family dinner. The memory was nice until he remembered the last time he had pot roast here was with Faith. They'd come over to visit and spent the night playing cards with everyone. He took a deep breath, refusing to get lost in memories of Faith. He needed to stay positive and show his family he was holding it together.
"Matt?" His mom came out of the kitchen, her arms open to him. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too." He hugged her. They'd talked a few times on the phone since the fight, but he hadn't been ready to face her. Her words and blame still stung, and it was going to take time for him to get over what she'd said to him.
"Come in and have a seat in the kitchen while I finish with the gravy." She led him into the kitchen. "How are you?"
"As good as can be expected." He took a seat at the island opposite the stove. "How are you?"
"I'm okay. Just worried about you. I keep going to church and praying for Faith."
"Thanks, Mom." He wasn't about to tell her that he'd all but given up any belief in a kind and loving God the day that Faith was taken. Now, after all he'd seen online, he had a hard time understanding how there could be such pain in the world if God was supposed to love them.
"Trish tells me you've gone back to work?" His mom glanced up from where she was stirring something.
"Actually, it's a new job." Matt prepared himself for any reaction.
"You quit your old job?" His sister was suddenly at his side.
"Matt, do you think that was wise? Now's not the time to be making major life changes." His mother didn't look happy as she stared at him over the stove.
"Honestly, it was the perfect time. I'd hated my job for years. I needed something new." He was already wondering how he could sneak away before they sat down to eat.
"What are you doing now?" Trish pulled up a seat beside him.
"Computers, the same as before, just for a new company." He wasn't about to tell them the truth. "It's a small company, but pays better. I'm a lot happier." He reached over and snagged a grape from the bowl sitting on the counter.
"They know about Faith? They'll work with you if you need time off?" his mother asked.
"Yeah, they know everything. They're great to work with. It's nice to be with a smaller company, and I really enjoy the work. It's been a good change."
"Why didn't you tell me when we talked?" Trish looked hurt.
"I didn't even think about it. We talk about Faith, nothing else really."
"You should have told me." Trish smacked his arm. "What else is new?"
"Nothing. That's the only thing." He debated on telling them about his trip to the police station to identify clothing, but decided that wasn't something he wanted to bring up with them.
The questions kept coming, and by the time they finished dinner, he was drained. Even if their hearts were in the right place, all they did was make him worry more about his daughter than he already was. Not to mention that the memories they shared were all done in the past tense as if they honestly never expected to see her again.
Matt glanced at his watch, wondering if he'd stayed long enough to satisfy them. He really wanted to head home. He'd hoped to get a call or update from Bryon about any information, but his phone had stayed silent. "I think I'm going to head home." He glanced at his mother. "I've got to work early." The lie came easy.
"Oh, alright, but promise me you'll come by again soon. I've missed you." She stood at the same time he did, before coming over to hug him.
"I will, Mom. Thanks for dinner. It was good."
"I'm glad you ate so well. You've lost so much weight since all this has happened." She pinched his stomach. "I'll have Trish bring you over some meals, so you just have to warm them up."
