Page 49 of Pain
When Matt pulled back finally, he stepped away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't put this all on you."
Xander laughed. "What? We're supposed to just have sex and forget that we're human, with other emotions and things going on in our lives?" As soon as he said the words, his own heart skipped. That was exactly what he did with every other man he had sex with. It was sex and nothing more. He didn't get close, didn't let them in his life. How had things changed so much with Matt? He wanted the closeness, the conversations, the support they could give to each other. It was Matt he ran to after a bad sting, and now, here he was offering to be whatever Matt needed him to be.
The thought should have scared him, but it didn't. For the first time in his life, he wanted someone he could confide in. Not just like he did with Dyson, but on an even closer level, a lover's level.
"I just…" Matt sighed. "I'm fucked up right now. It's a lot to deal with. I don't want you thinking you have to—"
"Have I given you the impression it bothers me? I mean, if you don't want me to be here, if you need to be alone, then I'll go, but I'm here because I want to be. I want to help you through this. You're not fucked up, the situation is. If you need someone, I'm here if you want me to be."
"No, I want you here. I just… I'm not the type to lose it like this."
"This is kind of an out of the ordinary situation. I think even the strongest person would lose it from time to time when their child is missing. I'd worry about you if you didn't." Xander gripped Matt's shoulders. "It's okay to lean on someone, to let it out. You don't always have to be okay. I sure the hell know I wouldn't be if it was my daughter."
"What are the chances this psychic is right?"
"Honestly, if you'd asked me when she showed up, I'd have said none, but after talking to Bry, I can't guess."
Matt bit his lip, then looked back up at Xander. "She knew about us."
"What do you mean she knew about us?" No one knew about them. They had been careful not to let the team know, and they'd never shown any kind of affection in public.
"As she walked away, she said I shouldn't let the man with the long beard that I'm seeing push me away." Matt shrugged. "I haven't told anyone that we're sleeping together. That was when I decided I really did need to follow up on what she gave me."
"She knew about me?" Xander was shocked. "How is that possible?"
"I don't know. I mean we've only slept together a few times. It's not like we're dating or anything. There is no way I can think of that anyone would know, let alone a stranger."
"Fuck." Xander wrapped his hand around his beard, wondering if this woman was really able to see things.
"I had to listen to her after that."
"Yeah, that would have gotten my attention too." Xander released his beard. "It still doesn't mean she's right about Faith."
"No, but she could be."
"Yeah, she could be, and that's why I wanted you to know everything going on. Even if it's just simple things. Bryon's wrong to not let you know."
"Thank you. I want to know. I mean, it's hard. It gives me more hope, and I know that is dangerous, because I could really be let down if it's nothing, but as you saw tonight, I need all the hope I can get. Every day that goes by, it gets harder to believe that she's still alive, that I'll ever get to hold her again."
"Never give up. I won't let you. Until the day comes you have proof one way or the other, you have to have hope, you have to fight to find her."
"I'm sorry you walked in on me like this."
"I'm not. I wish you would have called me. I was going to call the other day, after your dinner with your mom, but I got busy. Had I known this was all going on, I would have been here."
"Honestly, I handed the file to Bryon and tried to forget about it. I've never been a huge believer in that kind of stuff. Jill was. She loved learning and reading about all kinds of stuff like that. She watched all those ghost shows on TV. It was never my thing. I thought the lady was nuts, but then she didn't ask for anything in return, then she mentioned you. It was enough to make me wonder."
"All we can do now is wait. Bryon will make sure he checks it all out." Xander offered Matt his hand. "Got any ice cream?"
Matt laughed. "Yeah, bought some more today. It's a new kind, want to try it?"
"Sounds good." Linking his hand with Matt's he led him out of the room, hoping that someday Faith might join them for ice cream and all of this would be nothing more than bad memories.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
"What are you doing?" Matt opened his eyes, looking down his body to where Xander was teasing the head of his cock with his tongue.
"I was hungry." Xander sucked the head between his lips then released it.
