Page 70 of Pain
He put the video game in and for the next two hours, he laughed with Faith as they battled through one game after another. They were games he usually never played, so she was kicking his ass on most of them.
He was surprised when Faith set the controller down and turned to him.
"You said someone hurt you too when you were little?" She looked nervously at him.
Unsure where this conversation would lead, he nodded. "I was about eight when it started, and it didn't stop until I was about fifteen."
"That's a long time." She leaned back against the arm of the couch facing him as he sat on the other end.
"Too long."
"No one saved you the way the police saved me?"
He shook his head. "No one knew, and I was too scared to tell. He said he'd kill me if I did."
"The guy who hurt me told me that too. Do you think he will?" She bit her lip as she stared at him.
"I promise you that he won't. He's locked up in jail right now, and will probably end up going to prison for a very long time. Even if he didn't, I promise you, I will make sure he never gets close to you again."
"Did the guy who hurt you go to prison too?"
Xander nodded. "He's still there and won't ever get out."
"Good. I hope the guy who hurt me doesn't either." She stared at her hands for a minute. "Dad says I can talk to him, but I don't want to tell him anything. I don't want him sad that I was hurt."
Xander tried to figure out what to say, sure that talking to Matt about this would be the best thing for Faith, but he also remembered how hard it had been for him to talk to anyone about what happened. "Your dad would be okay if you want to talk to him. He might be sad someone hurt you, but he'd be happy you're home now and that no one will hurt you again."
"I'm not ready to talk to him. Katie says I don't have to if I'm not ready."
"That's true, you don't. But it's important that if you do need to talk, you talk to someone like Katie."
"Or you?" she asked. "Cause you were hurt too, so you understand."
Xander nodded. "You can talk to me anytime if you want to."
"I'm scared. Dad says no one will hurt me again, but I dream about them. The woman would make us dress in these really itchy clothes and then she'd take pictures of us. I hated those clothes."
Xander forced himself to remain calm and not react to what she said. "You dream of her?"
"Mostly, but sometimes of him. I don't like dreaming about him because that was when it hurt so bad. I wake up screaming, and Dad asks me if I'm okay, but I can't tell him, so I lie and act like I am, but really I am scared that they are going to come take me again."
Xander wished he'd killed the couple who held her. At least then, he could tell Faith they were dead. "I still have dreams sometimes too."
"What do you do?"
"I sit in bed and focus on something else. Most of the time I'll stare at my tattoos and trace the lines. It helps calm me. It might be something different that works for you, but you could try counting Zee's stripes and running your finger over them."
"That might work." She bit her lip, then looked back up at him. "I have to sleep with Dad to feel safe, but want to sleep in my own bed too. How do I stop being scared?"
"I don't know how. It's just something that will happen in time. There is nothing wrong with sleeping with your dad for now." Xander missed sleeping in Matt's bed too. He brushed his hand down his beard, forcing himself to focus on the conversation and not on where he wanted to lay his head at night. "Time is the only thing I know that will make it easier. Slowly, you'll start to feel safe again. Knowing that the bad guys are locked up and can't hurt you again helps too. Your dad put that new security system in. It's one of the best. No one is going to get in the house. I promise that."
Faith nodded.
"Tell me some stuff that makes you feel safe."
"Um, Dad, Zee, you."
He was surprised she included him. "That's good. I'm glad I make you feel safe, because you are safe anytime you're with me, just like you are with your dad."
