Page 86 of Pain
Xander braced his hands on Matt's leg. "So, we have to make a choice here."
Matt nodded. "I don't want you to feel pressured because Faith wants us together."
"I know, but that's kind of impossible. I have to think about what her reaction would be if we ended things. How it might hurt her."
Matt looked up. "It would hurt me."
Xander leaned in, resting his forehead on Matt's shoulder. "It would hurt me too."
Matt wrapped his arms around Xander's head, kissing the top of it. "So, are you saying you want to work for a future? I'm not saying you have to be Faith's daddy now, I don't think any of us are ready for that yet, but can we make what we have a little more official?"
Xander lifted his head. "I'd like that. Maybe you can quit house hunting and we can make living together permanent?"
"Are you sure?"
Xander laughed. "Don't make me think about it because I'll panic, but yes, it's what I want, even if my mind keeps telling me it's not. I can't imagine living here now without the two of you."
"If you change your mind, panic, or whatever, you'll say something? I never want you to feel trapped."
"The same with you."
"Fair enough." Matt reached over and gripped Xander's beard in his fist. "I know I should have said this to begin with, but I guess, like you, I was scared, but I do love you."
Xander smiled, closing his eyes as he got used to the way the words felt. When he opened his eyes and looked into Matt's, he was sure of his response. "I love you too." He pulled Matt to him, holding him tight.
After several silent moment's Matt pulled back. "So, Faith is gone for a few more hours, and there's still several rooms in the house we haven't broken in yet." He wiggled his eyebrows.
Xander didn't have to be asked twice. With his arms around Matt's waist, he pulled him forward, figuring the living room was the perfect place to start.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Matt hung up the phone, his temper flaring. He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck as he thought about what he'd just been told by Faith's therapist. He was used to the weekly calls. Faith saw Katie three days a week for an hour, and once a month, she would have family therapy with him sitting in on the session.
Faith hadn't opened up much about the actual kidnapping or what happened after she was taken, but no one was surprised by that. Everyone he talked to who had been through something similar said that it took time for their child to talk about what had been done to them.
What had him angry now was the fact that Faith had requested that Xander come with her to the next family session instead of him.
He tried to understand, tried not to be hurt, but she was his daughter. Yes, she was close to Xander too, and they shared a bond he didn't understand, but he should be there for family sessions. If she wanted Xander there, he could join them, but for her to request that he not go, that wasn't right.
He stared out the window, trying to figure out what to do.
Katie had suggested they do what Faith requested and reminded him that all sessions with Faith were private, and unless Katie thought Faith was in danger or needed further counseling or medical treatment, she didn't have the right to discuss their conversations even with him.
For months, he'd tried to ignore the way Faith would talk to Xander instead of him. He watched them whispering, saw them talking in her room late into the night. He saw how she would say things to him, but then notice he was close by and look ashamed at whatever she said.
Wanting the best for his daughter, he let it go this whole time, glad that Faith had someone to talk to if she couldn't talk to him, but now, he'd finally reached his breaking point.
Why did she want Xander there instead of him?
He debated on going to Faith's room and asking her, but he hated to make her feel guilty or put her on the spot. For whatever reason, she wanted Xander there. He couldn't take that from her, but he needed to at least let Xander know what he was feeling before it ate him up inside and caused bigger issues.
Trying not to feel like a jealous fool, he headed to the bedroom where Xander was showering before going in to work for a sting. If he didn't talk to him before he left, he'd stew about it all night and make it worse.
Xander was standing in front of the bathroom mirror with a towel around his waist. "Hey, you're five minutes too late. You could have washed my front."
Matt smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"You okay?" Xander turned to him as if he could instantly tell something was wrong.
