Page 9 of Pain
"You can't just quit."
"I've got money saved, but that doesn't mean I'm not going back. I just haven't officially decided for sure." He dreaded the thought of being around so many people. The last thing he wanted was all his co-workers staring at him in pity and whispering about him behind his back. "I'll probably go back, but cut down my hours for now."
"Can I do anything for you?" Jason lifted his cup to his lips, his worried gaze traveling over Matt.
"No, just trust me that I'm not killing myself off. I eat when I need to. You woke me up, so I'm getting sleep. It's just hard. I know she's out there, but I don't know where or with who. I keep thinking about what could be happening to her." Tears filled Matt's eyes and he quickly blinked them away. He was done crying. He cried the first two weeks. Now was the time for action, not tears.
"And this website that Trish tells me you've been on? She sounded really upset about it." Jason stared at him.
Matt blew out a long breath. "It's the dark web. I didn't mean for her to see it. It's sex trafficking, pedophiles, anything illegal really. It's where they sell identities when your ID is stolen, or teams work together to hack stores and large companies. It's the worst of the worst."
"And you're on there?"
"I'm watching it, looking for Faith." Matt didn't need to tell him how deep he was involved in it.
"Looking through that shit on there can't be healthy."
"I agree, but someone has to. The police seem to have given up. She'll end up a cold case until they find her body in a few years after some pervert tires of her. I can't let that happen. If there is a chance I can find her, any chance at all, I will do whatever it takes to make sure it happens. What I'm dealing with is nothing compared to what she must be going through." Matt swallowed the last of his coffee.
"Can I help you look? I don't know the first thing about the dark web. I wouldn't even know how to find it."
"Thanks, but it's not easy to get on. It's taken weeks just for me to earn what little trust I have on there. It's not like you can just sign on and browse through it like you do other sites. Besides, you're right, it fucks with your head, and you don't need that."
"And you do?"
"No, but the damage is already done. I can't unsee what I've seen."
"Fuck, Matt, you can't do this to yourself."
"Then tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do? Go to work each day and forget Faith is missing? Go about my life as if she isn't in the hands of some stranger who could be hurting her? I can't do that. You know I can't." Matt stood, going for more coffee. "Tell Trish you talked to me and think I'm okay. Tell her to stop worrying about me. I know what I'm doing. I promise I won't starve myself. I'm not that far gone yet."
"Yet." Jason huffed. "I'm worried about you."
"And I'm worried about Faith."
"We all are." Jason sighed. "I wish there was more I could do."
"I know, but there isn't. Just keep pushing the flyers, and you've done great keeping the Facebook page active. The more people who see her face the better the chance of finding her." Matt sat down again with his fresh cup of coffee. "I know I might seem ungrateful for everything everyone is doing, but I'm not. I just need to do what I'm doing right now. Weeks of searching out there…" He waved his hand toward the window. "Has turned up nothing. I've got to try whatever else I can."
"No one is saying you're ungrateful. We're just worried."
"Don't be, okay? As long as there is hope that she is alive, I'm going to push on. I can't give up."
"That's all I need to hear. I just don't want to walk in one day and find you dead because you let yourself go. I'm not as worried as your sister is, but I'm concerned. Maybe answer your phone once in a while and let us know you're okay?"
"Yeah, I guess I could do that." He hated the distraction of his phone. He needed every bit of focus to deal with the people he was trying to work with on the dark web. One slip up and everything he'd worked for would be lost. "I'll try to do better."
"Have you talked to Jill's parents?" Jason asked.
He closed his eyes, remembering the conversation with his wife's parents. "Yeah, they called a few nights ago. Helen offered to come stay for a few weeks if I needed help, but honestly, she'd just be in the way. I promised them I'd be in touch if there was any news. They are putting up flyers in Florida and doing all they can, but being so far away, there isn't much more they can do."
"Has to be hard for them." Jason picked up his coffee cup and went into the kitchen, rinsing it out.
"It is, Faith is all they have left of Jill." Matt shook his head. "Anyway, anything else my sister sent you over to find out?"
Jason grinned. "No, she was just worried. I'll call her and let her know I talked to you and think you're holding up the best you can. Just try not to bring up that dark web stuff with her. I think it really freaked her out."
"It would freak any sane person out." Matt sighed. "Okay, get out of here so I can shower and decide what I'm going to do about work on Monday."
