Page 36 of Secret
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Kasey set his beer on the coffee table as he sat down on the couch. He'd spent dinner thinking over how to tell Noam everything. It had been a long time since he'd told anyone about his past. He didn't like talking about it, but his gut told him that Noam needed to know. He wanted to be as honest as he could about things, and Noam could easily find out through court records, and that would only give him half of the story. The half that didn't look good.
Of course, he was still going to have to hide plenty from Noam. Working with the team was something he couldn't tell him. Hell, when the team found out he was dating a detective, there would be hell to pay, but Kasey wasn't going to deny himself something that felt so right. They deserved a chance to see if they could be happy. If that meant that he needed to leave the team at some point, it was something he would consider, as much as he didn't like the idea.
Noam sat down beside him, turning to face him with one knee bent on the couch. "You can cook for me anytime."
"Thanks." Kasey smiled. "I'm glad you liked it." He brushed his hands down his pants and blew out a long breath.
"You don't have to tell me." Noam gently ran his fingers over Kasey's shoulder.
"Yeah, I do. I want you to know everything about me." Kasey turned to face him, his back pressed to the arm of the couch. "My parents died in a car accident when I was thirteen. It was hard, but my little sister and I went to live with my aunt and uncle after that. Life slowly got back to normal, or as normal as it could get considering." Kasey reached for his beer, wishing he'd grabbed something stronger to drink. "Anyway, life went on okay until I was fifteen. My sister, Kate, she was five years younger than me. It was right after her tenth birthday that I came home from baseball practice and found my uncle raping her. I walked in the door and was headed to my room. As I walked past her bedroom, I heard her cries. It wasn't normal cries like she did sometimes, but it sounded like she was hurting." He closed his eyes, still able to hear the sound in his head just as if it happened yesterday.
"Anyway, I slowly pushed open her door to see if she was okay and that was when I saw my uncle on top of her on the bed. They were both naked, and he was really being rough with her. Neither of them heard me, but I guess I must have gasped or cursed or something because suddenly they both turned their heads toward the door. I lost it. I still had my bat from practice in my hand and I didn't even think about it. I swung it as hard as I could at him, hitting him in the face with the first swing. He went flying off the foot of the bed, landing hard on the floor. I went right after him, swinging the bat over and over again until he wasn't moving. My sister sat on the bed crying, screaming at me to stop, but I didn't. I was old enough to understand what he was doing. I had to protect my sister. It was my job with my parents gone. There was no one else." Kasey blinked back tears that he refused to let fall, glad that Noam wasn't speaking. He needed to get it all out first, then if Noam had questions, he would answer them.
"When I finally dropped the bat, there was no doubt in my mind I'd killed him. There was no way anyone could live through the head injuries I'd caused. I turned to Kate, seeing her on the bed crying and shaking as she stared at me. I went to her, pulling the comforter off the bed and wrapping it around her. Blood coated her legs, she had bruises already showing on her neck and arms from where he held her down. I didn't know what to do. I called 911 to come help Kate, not even thinking about the fact I'd just killed my uncle and his body was on the floor beside the bed. I didn't even mention him when I called. I just said my sister had been raped and needed help."
Kasey turned and stood, needing to move as Noam watched him silently. "When they got there, they saw my uncle on the floor. I didn't even try to deny I'd done it. Things happened so fast, and even now, looking back, it's all blurred. I remember them treating my sister and taking her away in the ambulance. Despite my begging and her crying pleas for me to stay with her, they refused. They didn't give a shit about her. They were more concerned about the pervert dead on the floor." He ran his fingers through his hair as he stared out the large windows overlooking his front yard. "My aunt came home shortly after Kate was taken away. She'd been out getting her hair done or something. I remember her bursting into tears, telling the cops that I'd been nothing but trouble since I'd come to live with them. It wasn't true. I mean we had a few arguments, but no more than I would think normal for a fifteen-year-old boy to have with the adults he lived with. I didn't like to cause trouble. I understood how hard it must have been to take us in after my parents died. I tried to be good. So did Kate."
Kasey leaned forward, pressing his forehead to the window, closing his eyes as the memories flowed back. "I was arrested and taken to juvie. I was freaking out because I was worried about Kate. Looking back, I can see how they would say I was combative. I fought them and argued the whole night for them to let me see Kate or even let me call her. She didn't have anyone else but me. They refused. It was four days later before anyone finally told me how Kate was. She'd suffered tearing and bruising from what my uncle did. She was being medicated to keep her calm, and no I couldn't see her."
Noam was suddenly behind him, gently touching his shoulder. "Tell me they didn't charge you."
"Manslaughter. They said I used extreme force and unnecessary violence to get him off her. Which, I admit, I probably did, but I didn't stop to think. I don't regret killing him. He would have just hurt her or some other girl again." Kasey turned to face Noam. "I was locked up until I was eighteen, then released to a halfway house. It was there I met Bryon. He volunteered there. Even with the age difference between us, we just got along. We saw the world the same way. When it came time for me to leave the halfway house, he offered me a place to live. I was working construction, trying to put my past behind me. I had nothing. He was the only one there for me."
He glanced up, meeting Noam's gaze, surprised to see anger there, not pity.
"The cops were wrong. You should have never faced those charges."
"I couldn't afford a good lawyer, and there was no one to support me. My aunt told them lies, and my sister wasn't considered a competent witness. The few friends, teachers, and coaches they talked to all said good things about me, but it wasn't enough. I think they thought I was going to go on some vengeful killing spree if they released me." Kasey sat down on the edge of one of the side tables near the window, still facing Noam. "I'm the first to admit I was angry and a mess, but I'd just seen my sister being raped. I'd just killed my uncle. My emotions were all over the place."
"What happened to your sister? Is she okay now?" Noam asked.
He lost the fight to hold back tears and dropped his head, staring at his feet. "They put her in foster care after she got out of the hospital. They wouldn't let her see me. About six months after she was raped, she committed suicide. She cleaned out the medicine cabinet at the home where she was staying, took everything, even stuff that wouldn't hurt her. She just swallowed every pill she could get her hands on."
"I'm so sorry." Noam kneeled down in front of him, bracing his hands on Kasey's knees.
"The fuckers wouldn't let her visit me or write to me, but they didn't hesitate to bring me her suicide letter. She blamed herself for everything. Said it was her fault I was locked up. She thanked me for saving her, said my uncle had been abusing her for months, but that was the first time he'd penetrated her that way. She said she loved me and was sorry she wasn't stronger." A silent sob wracked through his body as he pinched the bridge of his nose, not wanting to lose it in front of Noam.
Noam pulled him into his arms, wrapping him tightly against his chest. He kissed his ear, but said nothing as he ran his hands over Kasey's back.
Kasey tried to hold it back, but it was the first time he'd ever had anyone hold him like this after he told them his story. Even back when he was younger, people would give him a tight grip on the shoulder, a pat on the back, a sympathetic look, but no one held him. It was his undoing. Tears fell harder than they had in years, all the pain, anger, regret, and sadness flowing out of him.
He didn't know how long Noam held him. It seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes. When Kasey finally pulled back, he was exhausted emotionally. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt before looking at Noam. "I'm sorry. I've never lost it like that when I've told anyone."
Noam smiled. "I'm guessing you haven't told very many, and that you've always had to have your guard up. You don't have to be strong for me, Kase. You went through hell, and the things that you were forced to face at such a young age, well, it's amazing you've turned into the man you have."
Kasey shrugged, acting as if it wasn't a big deal. Noam didn't know the truth. He didn't know that Bryon had asked him to live with him so he could join the team that Bryon worked with. The way he'd dealt with his past was by protecting the innocent now. Vengeance was his, and each sting he did, he thought about his sister and dedicated each slice of his knife to her and all the victims like her. "I try not to look back too often," he lied.
"I wish I'd been the cop who handled your case." Noam stood.
"Then you'd be way too old for me to kiss." Kasey stood, sliding his hand behind Noam's head, combing his fingers through his hair as he kissed him. He needed to feel Noam's touch, feel the burn that lit inside his stomach when they kissed. After telling his story, he needed to feel alive.
Noam didn't let him down, kissing him back hard, sliding his hands around him and holding him as if their lives depended on it. The kiss was so much more than the others they'd shared, at least it felt that way to Kasey. Maybe it was because his emotions were so raw, but it was as if things were shifting between them, their relationship slowly coming together, becoming something more than just dating, something more than just testing the waters, it was almost like the commitment to each other was snapping into place, binding them together.
When Noam finally broke the kiss, he rested his forehead against Kasey's. "You've told me your past, now it's time I tell you mine and let you know the secrets I keep." He kissed Kasey again. "When I tell you everything, if it's too much, I'll understand. If you can't be with me—"
"Hey, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere, okay? Nothing is going to scare me away." Kasey stared at him. "I have more to tell you too. Stuff that could affect us now."
