Page 42 of Secret
"Everyone's falling in love." Dyson sighed.
"Jealous?" Kasey glanced over at him.
"A bit. I'm tired of random hook-ups. Tired of going home to an empty house all the time. I guess watching Xan and Matt over the last year has gotten to me. Made me want what they have."
"You'll find someone," Kasey said. "It's hard though. I hate lying to him. I hate that I can't be like Xander and be open about what I do. If things get serious, I don't know that I can keep it up. I might have to make a choice."
Dyson's eyes went wide. "You'd leave the team?"
"Maybe. If it came down to a relationship with someone I loved or the team, I would probably choose the relationship. I love being part of the team, but having that fear of my partner finding out the truth would destroy me. It's one thing to lie while dating, but when things get more serious…" He didn't have to finish. He was sure Dyson knew what he meant.
"I don't know what I'd do. I haven't ever really thought about it. The team is all I know. Xan and I left the Army and joined the team."
"Yeah, I'm with you there. I joined up with Bryon when I was eighteen. If I quit, I don't know what I'm qualified for. I mean it's not like I can put castration expert on my resume."
Dyson laughed. "Maybe Beau can get you a job doing circumcisions or something."
"Right." Kasey laughed. "No parent is going to trust me to touch their kid, and I don't blame them." Kasey pulled up near the lake and shut off the car.
"You ever regret what we do?" Dyson asked.
"Never. Not for a second. All I have to do is remember those kids we save. Remember the cries we've heard from the rooms they are locked in, the images we've seen. Nope, never have felt bad for what we do. If I could work eight-hour days doing it, I would. Do you feel bad?" Kasey glanced over at him.
"No, but I almost feel like it's bad I don't. Like there should be some sort of shame or remorse. I don't know. Maybe I'm just thinking too much lately. It scares me how much I love what we do. How excited I get before a sting. I hate the reason we have to do it, but I don't hate that we do it, if that makes sense."
"It does. If we never had to do it again, I'd be happy, but as long as any child is in danger, I will do all I can to stop it." Kasey climbed out of the car, taking the baggie out of his hoodie and tossing it into the water.
Dyson came to stand beside him, tossing his own bag into the lake below. "We need to change dump spots soon." They'd been using this location of the lake off and on for a few months now. They tried to change locations as often as they could.
"Yeah, I was thinking about the spot closer to the dam. It's quiet, the water's deep, and we haven't used it in a couple of years." Kasey rubbed his hands down his pant legs. He just wanted to get home and get a shower. He always felt dirty after a sting, like touching the vile scum left its mark on him in some way.
"I'll talk to Bry tomorrow about it. See if he's got something else mapped out or if we can just switch." Dyson looked up at the moon. "Okay, let's get home."
As they got in the car, Kasey wondered if Noam had been called out to work the scene. It was a bit nerve-wracking thinking about his boyfriend investigating a scene he'd made. It was too close for comfort, but there was nothing he could do about it unless he was willing to give either Noam or his job up. He was just going to have to get used to it.
Pulling the car onto the road, he reached out and turned on the radio. He needed something to distract him. Two more nights and he'd be with Noam again. Until then, he'd do what he'd been doing for years. Focus on his job, sleep alone, and just try to survive.
