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Kasey nodded. "I've always prepared myself for the chance I might get caught. I've sat down and gone over the list of charges I'd face. I know I'll never see the outside of a prison because of it, but you know what, Noam, it was worth it. It was worth it to see Faith come home, it was worth it to see the others come home. You had to have gotten the call. The two girls who were kidnapped, the ones from the mall, they were in Nevada. The little boy from the park, I don't know if you've found him yet, but he was listed in the paperwork left on the table the other night. How do you expect me to look at those kids and not do what I do? You know I don't just go after anyone. I go after the ones who have had second, third, sometimes fourth chances. They've been locked up, gone through programs. They aren't ever going to change. This isn't something like a drug addiction that can be fixed. Even what I do doesn't stop some. They'll still find ways to hurt children if they get the chance. They like causing the pain, hurting them."
Noam sat down in the chair, looking deflated and tired. "Fuck, what do you expect me to do here, Kase? I agree with you on all that, but I'm a police officer. I gave a vow to follow the laws, enforce them. I shouldn't even be talking to you right now. I should have you in cuffs and on the way to the jail."
"I can't answer that for you, Noam. I'm not going to beg you to go against what you believe or risk your job over me. I love you. I meant that. You are the most amazing man I've ever known, and I hoped we would have a future. I was going to give it all up for you, but I didn't do it soon enough. I fought between the two things I love, you, and saving children. It sounds pathetic to hear myself say it. Noam, you do what you need to. I won't hold it against you. I'll go with you to the jail right now. I'll answer all your questions about past cases, but one thing I won't do is name any others or tell you how we do what we do. You take me in. I take the fall for all of it, but I only talk about what concerns me. Nothing more."
Noam stood up, going to stand by the window and looked over the front yard for several minutes.
As they sat in silence, Kasey tried to think what he needed to do. When Noam took him in he'd get a phone call, but who should he call? It couldn't be anyone on the team. They'd look into everyone he had contact with. The jail would have records of any numbers he called. He'd need someone to get his car, sell the house, deal with all the things he'd no longer be able to. All the things he'd no longer need.
It scared the fuck out of him.
Still, he didn't regret a single thing he did. He never would, even if it cost him the rest of his life, his freedom.
"Go home, Kase." Noam didn't turn to look at him.
"What?" Kasey stepped toward him.
"I said go home. I need to think. I promise I'll call you before I do anything. You'll know before I do it, okay?" Noam finally turned to look at him. "If you're going to run, run far."
Kasey lifted his chin, meeting Noam's gaze with his own determined one. "I'm not running, Noam. Not from this, not from you. You have my number. When you're ready to take me in, I'll be at home." Kasey started for the door, but paused after he opened it. "Noam, I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. We just happened so fast and it felt so right. I didn't have time to think anything through, and I'm sorry that I hurt you. Sorry you are in this position because of me. I'm sorry for everything." Kasey walked out the door, shutting it softly behind him.
He walked to his car without looking back even though he wanted to. As scared and worried as he was, he was heartbroken even more. Losing his freedom didn't mean anything if he didn't have Noam, and he'd lost him for sure.
As he pulled his car from the curb, he reached over and called Bryon on his hands-free, dreading the words he was about to say. They had a code that they all knew that was to be used only if one of them was compromised. It was a code Kasey hoped he'd never have to use, but as Bryon answered the phone, he took a deep breath and said, "the lights have burned out, Bryon. We have a problem."
