Page 63 of Secret
"No, fuck that, Bry. Don't you dare cry. I'm hardly holding it together right now. If you lose it, I will too. I can't cry, or I won't stop." Kasey stood, going to the window to look out as he tried to get his emotions back in order.
"Fuck, I can't decide if I want to scream or cry. I honestly don't know how to feel." Bryon sighed. "I need to know if you get arrested. If you do, call me. No one will be shocked that you would call me. We go way back. They'd expect you to call me. I'll play stupid and pull the innocent friend who had no clue, but I can't help you if I don't know you're in jail. For now, don't contact anyone else other than me. I can cover my ass easy enough if they come digging around."
"You sure? Your home is our base. They come to search, and they find everything."
"The house isn't in my name. I have a small fixer-upper somewhere else that I use for my home address. They'll come there and find nothing but a simple home with nothing incriminating." Bryon stood and gripped Kasey's shoulder. "I'm going to do all I can, but unfortunately, it's not that much. My hands are tied. Don't admit to anything. Once Noam arrests you, just stay silent. I'll get you an attorney and we'll go from there. If you need anything, call me. Like I said, no one is going to question us talking. We just need to be careful what we say in case they tap your phone. I'm sure Noam is trying to figure out who you work with. Damn them in Nevada for printing those articles."
Kasey nodded. There was nothing more to say. Turning, he reached out, pulling Bryon into a hug. "I don't know when I'll see you again, if I'll ever be able to hug you again. Thank you for everything, Bry. You saved me, whether you believe it or not. I owe everything to you." He gripped him tightly, keeping his eyes shut so tears didn't fall. "I love you." Unable to handle the emotional overload, he pulled away and turned without looking back.
Quickly, before Bryon could stop him, he walked out the door. The sooner he broke ties with everyone the easier it was going to be. He walked to his car and started it, pulling onto the road, and driving several blocks before he pulled over and completely lost it. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he thought about his future, about his past, and about everything he was going to miss.
With his head pressed to the steering wheel, he let the emotions take over, releasing the fear and anger he had been holding inside. There was no one to blame but him. He'd made the choices that got him where he was. The sad thing was, he'd make the same choices again just for the short chance to be with Noam. It had been the rightest part of his life, even if it had only lasted a couple of months.
He sat for nearly fifteen minutes before he was able to get himself stable enough to drive. There would be time for tears, but first, he needed to make sure everything was ready for when he was arrested.
The drive home was different than any other he'd driven. He paid attention to the little things. He focused on the colors, the birds, the kids playing in the front yard of an old Victorian. Things that he usually didn't notice. Those little things were what he would use to make it through the long hours locked in a cell. The long years paying for what he'd done. They would be the thoughts that gave him something to hold on to.
He parked his car and headed into the house, moving slowly, as if he needed to memorize everything around him. He took so much for granted, but having it suddenly taken from him was making him see everything differently.
He flopped down on the couch, sitting in the darkness, and thought about his past. For all the pain he'd faced, he'd been happy. He had a good life once Bryon took him in. He missed his sister a lot. He often wondered what she would be like as a woman. Would she be married, have a family, been happy? It tore him up knowing he'd been unable to help her when she needed it most. If he'd been out, been free, he would have seen how hard things were for her. He could have stopped her from taking the pills, ending her life.
Looking back, that was the only part of his life he would change. He would have been there for her. It was out of his hands, but maybe if he hadn't killed his uncle, he could have been there to help Kate get through what she went through. He was sure that she blamed herself for him being arrested. It was hardly her fault. She didn't ask to be raped, she didn't tell him to beat the fuck out of their uncle. He was protecting his sister, and he would do it again.
Castrating men made sense after all that. It stopped most men from ever being able to hurt anyone again. It was a way to make them suffer for the rest of their lives. The men and women he hurt deserved to suffer. Deserved pain. Right or wrong, it was justified in his own mind. Unfortunately, the courts wouldn't see it that way.
With his mind racing, Kasey kicked off his shoes and eased back onto the couch. There was nothing more to do. Tomorrow he'd finalize all his legal papers, get things set so Faith got everything, then all there was to do was wait, and that was the hardest part of it all.
