Page 68 of Secret
Kasey swallowed the lump in his throat. "I will be. Go with your dad and let Noam and me talk."
She reached up and brushed a tear from his cheek before looking at Noam. "Don't make him cry more, okay? Make him laugh like he did when we went out."
Noam cleared his throat, giving her a slight nod. "I'll do what I can."
Matt stepped up, hugging Kasey tightly. "I love you. We'll figure it all out. You're not alone." He pulled back, staring into Kasey's eyes. "We'll fight this."
"Don't. It's not worth it. Just let it be." Kasey didn't want this made into a huge public deal. It would be unavoidable to have some press, but he didn't need a huge battle with people watching trials and digging deeper for information. The more they dug, the more danger the team would be in. "I'm okay."
Matt nodded. "We love you."
"I love you guys too." He forced himself to step back.
"Bye." Faith waved as Matt led her out the door and shut it behind them.
Left alone facing Noam, Kasey took a deep breath. "I expected you sooner."
Noam nodded. "I got hit with a migraine. I'm sorry you had to wait and worry this whole time. I honestly thought you'd be gone by now."
"I told you, I'm not running."
Noam ran his fingers through his hair. "You got anything to drink?"
"I'm guessing you're not talking about a glass of water?" Kasey turned and walked into his kitchen, pulling out a bottle of whiskey.
"Doesn't feel like a water kinda visit, does it?" Noam sat down at the kitchen table.
"No, but I'm not sure I want to be drunk when you haul me into jail." Kasey poured two glasses before going over to the table and setting them down. He returned to grab the bottle and set it on the table between them.
"I'm not taking you in." Noam stared at his drink, not at Kasey.
Kasey stared, unsure he'd heard correctly. "Noam?"
Noam shook his head. "I can't do it. I've tried to talk myself into doing what is right, but I just can't do it."
"Then you'll have someone else do it?" Kasey reached for the glass and took a healthy swallow.
Noam fingered his glass, staying silent for several minutes.
Kasey watched him. Noam looked tired, like he hadn't slept in days. There were bags under his eyes, and his color was off. His hair looked as if he'd used his fingers to comb it, not caring what it looked like. He looked like Kasey felt, drained, and worn, with too much weighing on his shoulders.
"Would it be easier if I turned myself in?" Kasey didn't know if he had the guts to do that, but he hated seeing how this was affecting Noam.
"Kase, please stop." Noam lifted the glass to his lips and finished it off with one large swallow. When he set it down, he slowly raised his gaze to Kasey's. "I'm not going to arrest you. I can't do it. I'm not going to tell anyone what you do."
Kasey sucked in a breath. "But…" He shook his head, unsure what to say.
"The thing is, I support what you do. It might be against the law, but I've seen the good that comes from it. I've seen the children you've saved." Noam reached for the bottle, pouring another half a glass. "I've tried to tell myself that I'm doing the right thing if I arrest you, but I don't think I am. If I arrest you, then how long before those you work with would feel safe to start working again? Would they even start up again here in this area? How many kids would we lose in that time?" Noam stood and walked to the counter, staring out into the backyard through the small window above the sink. "I can't live my life wondering if each time I get a new case of a missing or abused child that you might have been able to stop it from happening." He turned to face Kasey. "What you do is so beyond fucked up. I mean the thought of being able to cut a man's cock off one hour, then act like life is normal the next, that is some kind of messed up, Kase, but I get why you do it. I understand it. Especially after what you've been through in your past."
Kasey stared, trying to understand. "Noam, what are you saying? What does this mean?"
"It means I'm going to leave today and let you go on with your life as it is. I'm going to ignore the fact that you're committing crimes because those crimes are actually helping more people than you hurt. The average pedophile you take down has a history that would make the devil cringe. They aren't going to change, they aren't going to get better. You're not going after the guy flirting with the young girls trying to work through some mid-life crisis. You are going after the ones who are physically hurting and killing our children. I can't see wrong in that. I can't condone the way you do it, but I also can't justify locking you up." Noam set his glass in the sink. "Anyway, I'm sorry I made you wait for me to react. I know the last few days have probably been hell for you too." He raked his fingers through his hair as he stared at Kasey. "Go back to saving kids."
Kasey stood, taking a few steps toward Noam, but leaving several feet in-between them. He saw how conflicted Noam was and how hard this decision was for him. It was tearing Noam in two trying to decide what was right and wrong. The law read one thing, but human nature another. Kasey understood. "You don't have to do this."
Noam laughed. "Fuck, only you would try and talk me into changing my mind. Do you want to be arrested, Kase? Because if you do, I can't do it. You'll have to find someone else." Noam shook his head. "I need to go. I just wanted you to know that I will take your secret to the grave. No one will know."
Kasey reached out, gripping Noam's shoulder as he started to walk by him. "Noam…."
When Noam stopped and turned, Kasey met his gaze. "Thank you. I know how hard this had to be for you. I am honestly sorry for putting you in this position."
"You didn't know it would end up this way. I get why you couldn't tell me, and I get how it was all coincidence that I even found out." Noam started to leave.
Kasey watched him, sure it would be the last time he saw him. He followed him to the door. As Noam reached out to grip the doorknob, Kasey had to say one last thing. With his heart breaking, he fought to hold back tears. "I love you, Noam. Never forget that."
Noam's shoulders hitched in what looked like a sob, but he didn't look back. "I love you too, Kase." He gripped the handle, pulling open the door. He quickly stepped outside, leaving the door wide open as he rushed down the steps to his car.
Frozen to the spot where he was standing, Kasey watched as Noam pulled away. The pain of watching him go was smothering, and for a brief moment, he wondered if prison might be easier than living free without Noam by his side.
