Page 77 of Secret
Kasey wondered if him being shot had any weight on why Noam wasn't rushing to get back together. Having been a cop, he knew the dangers out there and how easily something could go wrong. "We have several hackers. Good hackers. Maybe it's easiest for me to break down the team. We have three of us we call muscle. I'm one of them. We are the ones who go in and do the physical work, the castrating and leaving evidence files. We have four hackers, some better than others, and some who are more focused on becoming a trusted part of the pedophile rings on the dark web. Anyway, it's four computer geeks, that handle varying tasks."
"And the other two?" Noam asked.
"An information source from the courthouse so we know how cases turn out, if there are any cases we need to be aware of. Just simple things like that, then someone for medical." Again, Kasey touched his arm.
"Beau?" Noam sat forward.
Kasey's gut tightened. "You know I can't confirm that."
"Right, but it would make sense. I've seen a sliver of what he must see doing his job at the hospital. It would make sense that he'd not only be a source of information, but someone trained to handle injuries you don't want to be made public." Noam looked at his arm. "I wondered how you managed to deal with a gunshot wound without going in for medical treatment."
Kasey smiled. "It's worse than you think. I had two other guys who weren't trained treating me that night. We were at the hotel with me sitting on the toilet lid as they tried to clean and treat the wound while on the phone with the doctor."
Noam wrinkled his brow. "That's not safe."
"It was a clean wound. In and out. It hurt like a bitch, but they managed just fine. I saw the doctor when I got home. It was right before I came over to see you the day I got back." Kasey sighed. "You knew the moment you saw my arm, didn't you?"
"I could excuse almost all of it away as coincidence until I read the case reports from Nevada. If it had been one of the others shot, I probably would have talked myself out of believing it was you, but when I saw that wound, and you lied about how you got it. I knew. I had to see for sure, but once you took the bandage off, I knew."
"I'm sorry I lied." Kasey closed his eyes. "So many times I wanted to tell you, but it wasn't just my ass on the line. I had to protect the others too."
"I get that. And I understand that because of my job at the time it made everything a bit more complex. Hell, I was actively working several cases you were involved in. I didn't know what to think or do."
"I'm sorry about that." Kasey didn't want to think about how hard it had been for Noam to come to the decisions he did. "Why did you quit?"
"Because I realized I agreed with what you were doing. How could I do my job after that? I knew that every time a case came across my desk where a child was missing or hurt, I'd want to ask for your help. My own department couldn't get me information, but I knew you could. The job would have never been the same. Plus, after those two young girls came back from Nevada, the two girls who's kidnapping I was working... I saw them." He ran his fingers through his hair. "They weren't the same. Hell, I'm not sure they'll ever be the same again."
"Hopefully, they find good treatment and have a supportive family. They are home. That's the first step."
"It is, and I realized that without you, they may never have come home. I don't miss the job, Kase. I miss being busy, I miss having something to do, but I don't miss that job."
"What will you do now?" Kasey prayed he wouldn't answergo to Israel.
"Earlier today I could have told you. Now, with you sitting across from me, I just don't know."
Kasey scooted closer, resting his hand on Noam's thigh. "It's not up to me, but if you want my feelings, it's simple. I love you and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make us work. If that means quit the team, I'll quit, if that means pack up and move back to Israel with you, I'll do it. I just don't want to live like I have the last couple of months. I was alone for so long, then you walked into my life and everything changed. I don't want to go back to being alone, Noam. But without you, I don't have a choice, because, without you, there is no one else."
"How will your team react if we get back together?"
"They'll be happy for us. No matter if I stay with them or not. They've been trying to get me to call you for weeks. Faith threatened to come talk to you herself."
"I'd love to have seen her." Noam laughed. "She probably could've talked me into anything."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's why they sent her to my place to kick my ass into gear." Kasey smiled. He wanted to lean in, wrap his arms around Noam, kiss him softly and know it was all going to be okay, but he had to let Noam make the first move, and he was scared he wouldn't make it.
Noam closed his eyes. "I don't want you to quit the team. You do more good than anyone I know. What you guys do might not be moral, but it has results." He opened his eyes and covered Kasey's hand with his own. "I don't want you to walk out that door tonight and never see you again either. It's killed me being apart. I thought I could do it. I thought being apart would be easier than watching you go to work every night knowing what you were doing, but it's not. I want to be here waiting for you when you come home. I want to wake up in the mornings and know you're safe. I want us, Kase. I want us so badly."
Kasey blew out a relieved breath as he leaned in, cupping Noam's cheek with his hand. "I want that too. All of it. We'll figure out a way." He lightly brushed his lips over Noam's as a feeling of rightness washed over him for the first time in months.
Noam kissed him back, reaching around Kasey and drawing him closer, opening for him, letting Kasey taste him again and again. When they pulled apart, Kasey smiled, still only a few inches from Noam's mouth. "I love you. I never got to tell you that the way I wanted to. You make my world feel right. You make everything easier. I feel things with you I've never thought I could feel. I am a better man because of the love I feel for you."
Noam smiled. "I love you too. I'd planned on telling you when you got back from Nevada. I had dinner planned and was going to give us a romantic evening together, then tell you how much I love you. It doesn't matter how or when we said it. All that matters is you know I feel it. We'll make this work. I just need time to get used to it all. It's not easy knowing you’re a wanted man and one wrong move means I lose you forever." Noam kissed Kasey again, then pulled back. "Stay?"
"You're sure?"
"Trying to talk me out of it?" Noam laughed. "Of course, I'm sure. I've missed you for months. If we are going to give this a go, I want as many nights with you as I can."
Kasey smiled, finally able to breathe normally for the first time since Noam had found out about the team. The tightness in his chest lifted, and the world seemed warmer and lighter. "I'll stay as long as you want me to."
